Rosie – I don’t pretend to be an expert on managing care giving. It’s such an individual process and to me the most important thing was to make certain that I didn’t take away my mom’s ability to make her own choices as long as she was able to make them. When she moved into our house (first my apartment, and then when I remarried she moved in with my husband and me) she had her own routine – things she could do to contribute like emptying the dishwasher (although she couldn’t reach a lot of the cabinets so she’d pile them on the counter and I’d put them away). She dressed herself, I helped her with her showers, she did her puzzles, I made her dinner because she wasn’t able to cook anymore. It was a give and take process, and it changed for day to day, month to month, year to year, depending on where she was mentally and physically.

I know that it’s one of the hardest things there is to go from being the child to being the parent to your parent. It’s a delicate balancing act, because there are things they can’t do any longer, and they may need help making decisions or balancing the checkbook, but the bottom line is they aren’t children and we have to make sure we allow them their dignity even if their physical and mental worlds are narrowing. I’m sure you are doing right by your mom, and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a result of taking care of my mom for more that 10 years is to throw out the guilt! Do your best – that’s all anyone can ask of you, and don’t let it overwhelm you to the point that you stop taking care of yourself, too. All the best…