Posting some vintage content from the vault this week. This post really sparked a lot of conversation the first time it ran in 2009, and I’d love for you to add your thoughts in the comment section.

While working on developing products and services for the coming year, it occurred to me that I needed to ask a number of questions of the women I serve or hope to serve before I can create a workshop, retreat, e-book, or any other product that is spot on. So I began to do just that, and have spent the past couple of months talking with women all across the corporate spectrum about their pain points, their challenges, their goals and passions.

I wanted to get a better handle on what ignites a fire in the belly of a high-achieving, soul-driven midlife woman, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Everyone I talked with was wonderfully open, unreservedly frank, and touchingly vulnerable.  While these women may have taken any number of divergent paths as a result of choice or circumstance, there are a number of places where these various paths intersect, and when standing on that sacred ground, their voices sound particularly unified.

Taking Inventory

As a general rule, successful career women engage in an ongoing inventory of their lives, their values, and their priorities in order to make sure these areas are integrated and aligned, and to make the necessary adjustments when they are not, but midlife is a time when that level of evaluation and reflection becomes increasingly essential.

Many of the women I spoke with commented on this kind of self-reflection and on their desire to combine both money and meaning to live a life rich in significance.  For some women, that means reflecting on whether or not their current career can meet them where they now live in terms of their evolving values and desire to create an optimum life.

Midlife Reflections - Women Speak

“Is this all there is? I ponder that question every day since I turned 52. One the one hand, I love what I do. On the other hand, I’ve had this nagging restlessness the past several years – this subtle itch that’s telling me there has to be something more.”

 “It’s not to say that what I’ve been doing these past 25 years didn’t have significance for me, but my needs have changed. The goals I had in my 20s and 30s are not the goals I have today. I’ve met those – achieved those – and what I value has evolved over the years. Now it’s time to align these values more closely with the kind of work I do. To do that means branching out in a totally new direction.”

 “I am a child of the 60s. We started out with a lot of idealism and a belief that we could make things better in the world. What I’m seeing now is a lot of younger people in their late twenties, early thirties, who are seeing that in themselves, too. There’s a spark there that I relate to and I feel it’s important to keep that spark ignited so I can continue to make a difference – something I’m not so sure I’m doing in my current career.”

 “If I am really honest with myself, I know I’m just not performing at my peak level any longer. To admit that is frightening to me, but at the same time it challenges me to step up my game or step off and into a new arena.”

 “I literally woke up one morning and realized I’d been doing this for 25 years. It’s not that I haven’t loved what I’ve done, but I just can’t imagine myself doing it for the next 25 years.”

Taking Stock

Over the course of his research, psychologist Erik Erikson emphasized the importance of having a sense of authenticity and integrity in later midlife. He found that the growth of the personality in the 40s and 50s is built on a heightened concern with the meaning of life and the process of taking stock, resilience in the face of setbacks, and greater self-acceptance.

There is a deeper sense of the core self, with fewer illusions and a beginning appraisal of where career and life has taken a woman. This re-examination is as natural as it is inevitable, and it often begins by asking questions and seeking answers from her internal world as well as her external world.

The questions a woman may ask herself are some of the same questions I asked during my recent conversations with various career women. As a favor to me, but more importantly, as a favor to yourself, take a break; make yourself a piping hot cup of herbal tea; sit down somewhere quiet, somewhere private, and allow your mind to consider the following: 

• What are the top 3 goals you most want to achieve?
• What are the top 3 things you love about what you currently do?
• What are the top 3 things that aren’t working for you, or that you’re not actively addressing?
• As a high-achieving, soul-driven woman, what is it that ignites that fire in your belly?
• What is the 1 thing you feel is holding you back from living your most optimum life?

After you’ve spent some time thinking about these things, I’d love for you to share your answers here as part of this blog post. Let’s continue the conversation we’ve started and see where it leads us. We’re all on a journey of discovery, and all roads lead to a more sacred kind of success…

• Alchemist, Gardener or Vagabond Traveler – What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up (Again)?
• A Search for Significance
• Following Your Bliss as a High-Achieving Career Woman Requires Getting Nekked

When I first began feeling the rumblings that I wanted to change careers and follow my bliss, I continually chided myself for entertaining such “pie-in-the-sky” thoughts at my age. I was 41.

When I wasn’t sticking pins in my own balloon, I was freaking out about what exactly I’d actually DO for a living if I took the plunge and struck out in a new direction.

There were times when the fear was palpable; when the doubt screamed so loudly it drowned out all of my talents and abilities and left me feeling nekked. Fresh-from-the-womb-really-truly-nekked.

Fortunately for me, the yearning to follow my yellow brick road to a life of significance became more persistent, more urgent, than my doubts and fears.

One of the things I did to gain a sense of clarity and purpose about my next “career” was to do a thorough excavation of my likes, dislikes, hobbies, skills, values, even what I loved to do as a child (because so often it’s these childhood outlets that fuel our creativity and that we cast aside in order to become “adults”).

This come-to-Jesus moment also meant getting clear on what I was willing to sacrifice in order to create my fully-actualized life, and just exactly what I wanted it to look like. Like so many other things that involve lasting change, it was a p.r.o.c.e.s.s.

And I discovered quite a lot as I sifted through layer after layer. It’s these discoveries that have helped me understand what so many other midlife career women are wrestling with as they reach their individual crossroads.

One pivotal piece of my excavation shined a mega-wattage light on the fact that I’m a high-achiever (“Duh!” would say my husband) – I like wearing many hats, being involved in multiple projects. I like a certain amount of chaos.

If you’re anything like me, you:

• don’t want “work-life balance.”
• like doing multiple things and doing them well (in fact, you’re happiest this way because it ticks off a number of your fundamental motivational boxes).
• are more interested in getting rid of negative kinds of stress, not stress itself (because you understand that to be alive is to feel stress, and not all stress is bad).
• are a high-achiever.
• crave leadership opportunities.
• want to be part of the solution.
• are fueled by action, creativity and effecting change.
• recognize that despite your kinetic energy and love for social interaction, you need some time alone (maybe even a lot of time) to process and integrate all you’re doing and learning.
• can be a walking contradiction who is exceptionally busy and then suddenly, BOOM! you need time to decompress and recharge. It’s when you don’t give yourself this necessary break that your circuits begin to fry.

There’s not enough focus on high-achieving career women (especially those of us in our midlife years) who like being busy and constantly challenged, and who have a need to be part of the solution.

For us, the “distress” comes when we’re pressed to abide by the current work-life balance mantras, when we’re no longer sure what we’re “busy” for and are just going through the motions, or when life is filled with too much negative stress that depletes, exhausts and confuses us instead of eustress which fuels us and keeps us feeling fully alive and engaged.

If you recognize yourself in any or all of the above descriptors, I’d love to hear from you. What else do you know to be true, to be inescapable about reaching midlife as a high-achieving woman? How has that impacted your career choices or your decision to change careers? Has your life been overrun by negative stress and what are you doing (and not doing) to get that under control?  Please leave your comments below.

• Midlife – A “Do Over” for Career Women
• 5 Tips To Increase the Odds of Achieving Your Goals
• Wordless Wednesdays – Week 3

Posting some vintage content from the vault this week. This post really struck home the first time around when I ran it in February 2010. Still relevant? Share your thoughts in the comments section. (And I’m over-the-moon happy to report that my colleague and friend is currently cancer-free!)

A former colleague of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer. 55 years young and the president of a marketing company, to the outside world she is the epitome of health and success. When she was first diagnosed she chose not to disclose her medical condition to her staff and peers out of fear they would see her as less capable. I write this with nothing but respect for her many and varied accomplishments – I know how hard she’s worked to get where she is today. She’s a fighter. She’s ambitious. She’s also an impostor.

What I mean by “impostor” is that she feels like an impostor. Despite all the accolades from her peers; despite all her skills and abilities, and her meteoric rise within the company, in her mind she believes it’s only a matter of time before everyone discovers that she’s “faking it.” Rather than offering assurance, each new achievement and subsequent challenge only serves to intensify her ever-present fear of being found out.

The Phenomenon Also Knows As “Faking It”

There’s a name for this phenomenon: Impostor Syndrome. Research that began in 1978 with the work of psychotherapists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes found that many women with notable achievements also had high levels of self-doubt which couldn’t be equated with self-esteem, anxiety, or other traits, and appeared to involve a deep sense of inauthenticity and an inability to internalize their successes.

These individuals often have the belief they are “fooling” other people, are “faking it” or getting by because they have the right contacts or are just plain “lucky.” Many hold a belief they’ll be exposed as frauds or fakes. Impostor Syndrome goes far beyond normal bouts of self-doubt.

Referring to impostor feelings among career women, trainer, public speaker and consultant Valerie Young, PhD notes that their fears can “prevent them from fully enjoying their success and seizing opportunities, and can cause them to overwork to compensate for supposed deficiencies. “

“But ‘impostors’ are not the only ones who pay a price,” she continues, “the cost to their companies in terms of unrealized human potential can be enormous… When qualified workers fear risks, get caught in the ‘expert trap,’ and are prone to perfectionism and procrastination, there’s a leak in the corporation’s human resources.”

What It Looks Like

To become more aware of impostor thinking, Young suggests, among other things, looking for stereotyping and self-defeating attitudes that can be reflected in speech, such as women prefacing sentences with disclaimers like “This may not be right, but…” and discounting accomplishments with “Anyone could have done it” or “It wasn’t much.”

For those dealing with Impostor Syndrome, some standard behaviors emerge which include:

• dismissive attitude when praised
• feeling that peers with the same responsibilities are more mature
• reluctance to accept new responsibilities or challenges for fear of failure
• unnatural reaction to constructive criticism
• worrying that others will begin to realize their shortcomings

Women executives like my friend commonly suffer from Impostor Syndrome, especially as they climb the corporate ladder. Some reports state that females more than males feel conflicted between jobs and family. In addition, they may develop inferior feelings in the face of male peers who exhibit greater confidence in the workplace. All of these issues, ranging from guilt to inequitable pay, can contribute to Impostor Syndrome in successful women.

Experts also suggest that women tend to internalize their feelings to a greater extent than men. Researchers therefore theorize that if something goes wrong, women tend to blame themselves, whether or not they were, in fact, at fault. Men, on the other hand, more readily accept the fact that some things are beyond their control. Internalizing these beliefs, rather than discussing them can lead to other emotional issues, including depression and low self-esteem. Over time, harbored Impostor Syndrome can make it difficult to accept praise for any level of accomplishment.

The Reframe

Ironically, it was the cancer diagnosis that freed her from the relentless grip of Impostor Syndrome. There’s nothing like the possibility of death to force you to face self-defeating behaviors. It was difficult for her to describe the feeling that came with discovering her vague feelings of self-doubt, angst and intellectual fraudulence had a name, and realizing she wasn’t alone was liberating. The experience proved to be a turning point in her life, both professionally and personally. She made the life-altering decision to learn why so many intelligent women like herself set themselves up to fall short.

According to Dr. Young, author of “Top 10 Ways to Feel as Bright and Capable as Everyone THINKS You Are, ” there are a number of ways to mitigate the negative effects of Impostor Syndrome:

• Recognize impostor feelings when they come up. Awareness is the first step to change, so ensure you track these thoughts: what they are and when they emerge.

• Rewrite your mental script. Instead of telling yourself they are going to find you out or that you don’t deserve success, remind yourself that it’s normal not to know everything and that you will find out more as you progress.

• Talk about your feelings. There may be others who feel like impostors too – it’s better to have an open dialogue rather than harbor negative thoughts alone.

• Consider the context. Most people will experience occasions where they don’t feel 100% confident. There may be times when you feel out of your element and self-doubt can be a normal reaction. If you catch yourself thinking that you are useless, reframe it: “The fact that I feel useless right now doesn’t mean that I really am.”

• Reframe failure as a learning opportunity. Find out the lessons and use them constructively in the future. Use what you’ve learned to minimize your future feelings of self-doubt.

• Be kind to yourself. Remember that you’re entitled to make mistakes occasionally and forgive yourself. Don’t forget to reward yourself for getting the important things right.

• Seek support. Everyone needs help: recognize that you can seek assistance and that you don’t have to do everything alone. Whether it’s a therapist, a friend or someone experiencing the same phenomenon, reach out and bring the problem out in the open where it can be addressed.

• Visualize your success. Keep your eye on the outcome – completing the task or making the presentation, which will keep you focused and calm.

• Feeling Like A Fraud: Living With Imposter Syndrome
• Living Life Going Up the Down Escalator
• Is Resistance Derailing Your Goals? Ten Effective Success Habits for Business Women

One of my Facebook colleagues had a rather interesting dialogue going on this week when she posted a question about how to keep from getting derailed in her day-to-day work life.

Procrastination.

I’m forever amazed at how many of us do battle with this saboteur – this purveyor of distraction, resistance, and frustration.

I could write a book about all the ways in which we engage in dragging our feet, shelving our dreams and serving as the primary barrier to reaching our goals (but I’d probably come up with a million different excuses to keep me from actually writing it).

Underneath all the external manifestations of procrastination is fear – fear of failing or fear of succeeding. That’s a heady conversation, and way more than I can do justice to within the confines of a single blog post.

So I’m putting aside all the unconscious reasons we continually get in our own way and focusing instead on what we can do on a more purposeful level to jump start our intentions and accomplish something each day.

Habit and repetition are what float the boat and after querying clients, colleagues and mentors, I’ve put together ten of the most effective success habits you can incorporate into the daily ritual of how you work. And how you get things done. Really and truly done. Imagine that?!

1. Develop your routine. We’re all creatures of habit – even those of us who like to think of ourselves as spontaneous. So use this to your advantage. Ask yourself, “What is my working style?” “How do I work most efficiently?”

I’m most definitely NOT a morning person. My creativity runs in consistent bursts of energy throughout the day (and night), so I’ve learned to use those bursts to accomplish my most thought-intensive work.

Do you prefer to work in the morning, the evening or in small increments throughout the day? Take some time to assess how and when you’re at your energetic best and dedicate that time to doing what is most critical and what requires a clear, focused mind.

2. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Wake up and let your first thought be that you’re grateful for this day. Take a few moments to recognize the blessings in your life and let this set the intention for how you show up throughout your day.

3. Define your daily goal(s). Be clear about what you want to accomplish. Make this a short list. Resist the temptation to set a 3-foot list of goals and instead focus on the one, two or three absolute priorities (notice I wrote “absolute” priorities – not things you “should” or “need” to get done today). Break big tasks into bite-sized, doable actions. Taking one baby step is better than taking no steps.

4. Do only what you love to do or you won’t do it. Delegate or dump anything that keeps you stuck in the land of excuses. For me that means delegating anything to do with numbers. Just the thought of tackling my business finances is enough to send me ducking for cover and lost for several hours on the information highway or playing online Scrabble (shh, don’t tell anyone).

5. Train family members or co-workers to respect your working time. If you’re a home-based entrepreneur, put up a note, lock the door, hire a babysitter, go to the library or your nearest Starbucks, if necessary. For those of you who work in an office, the same rules apply. Do whatever you need to do to keep the interruptions to a minimum during those high-energy periods or when you’ve got a deadline looming.

Despite all the chatter about women being great at multi-tasking, don’t believe the hype! The best way to get things accomplished is to focus on ONE thing at a time.

6. Set yourself up. Do you find yourself regularly running to the refrigerator or down the hall for a cup of coffee? What other avoidance tactics are you using to keep from getting down to business? Stockpile a no-excuses-supply of beverages, Kleenex, snacks, pens, paper, etc., close by in your office so that you’re not jumping up and down when you should be hunkering down.

7. Work on a deadline. I use the timer system (actually it’s the timer on my kitchen stove). To help keep you on task and determine how long each goal takes, set your timer for 60 minutes and get to work on one of your priority goals for the day.

When the timer goes off, take a short 10 – 15 minute break. This is not a suggestion. It’s mandatory. Studies show that brain function begins to decline after 60 minutes of focused attention. Get up from your desk and go the restroom, take a walk outside, do stretching breathing, or meditation exercises – anything that gives you an opportunity to rejuice and recharge. Reset the timer and dive in again until you’ve successfully completed your daily action steps.

8. You’ve got a friend. Got a tough task? Work with a colleague, coach or a friend. Use the timer system when you buddy up to help you get tough tasks completed. Use a call and check-in accountability system. Have your buddy call you for a 10-second “touch base” call when you start, and make a call to let your buddy know when you finish. A phone call is much more powerful in this situation than a text or email because of the human voice connection factor.

9. LOVE your work environment. This probably seems like a no-brainer, but make sure where you work is a place you actually want to be. Surround yourself with things that inspire you, energize you, and remind you of your big “Why”. If you work out of a home office there’s obviously a lot more latitude in how you decorate your environment, but even the most conservative corporate office can withstand a little personal touch.

I love to travel, so my home office includes things I’ve purchased from the many places I’ve visited – it brings an invigorating, eclectic energy to the room and the photos of my family and friends helps to ground that energy and reinforce my “Why”.

10. Celebrate your success each day. At the end of the each day write down 5 things you accomplished today that moved your project forward. Reward yourself by doing something just for you. A bubble bath? A walk in the park? Reading a non-work-related book? Watching an episode of American Idol? Spending some private time with your kids or partner?Rewarding yourself is crucial to keeping your work/life balance in proper alignment. Don’t fudge on this step. It’s part of your self-care 911.

I’d love to know what tips you use to keep yourself from getting derailed at work. What things do you do to get your work done and take action towards your goal? Share them here in the comments section so we can learn from each other, and if you liked this post, please do me a favor and share it with your friends.

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Wondering how to get out of your own way once and for all? Looking for a way to free yourself from feeling paralyzed by your goals rather than energized by them? Between now and May 12th I’ve opened my calendar to offer 8 complimentary strategy sessions to help you learn how to recognize where resistance is showing up in your life and how it’s preventing you from reaching your goals. Email me at Evelyn@EvelynKalinosky.com to schedule your complimentary 25-minute call.

P. S.  A thought has zero value without execution behind it. If you’re ready to take action to maximize your most radiant success, don’t delay – these spots are only available through May 12th, and as of this afternoon I’ve already filled 3 of the 8 spots. Does 1 of the remaining 5 spots belong to you? Evelyn@EvelynKalinosky.com.

• 5 Questions Women Need to be Asking Themselves as They Climb the Corporate Ladder
• The #1 Thing You Must Do to Move from Success to Significance
• Identity Theft: 5 Ways For Career Women To Deal With The Loss Of Their Professional Identity In Retirement

A recent article in The Glass Hammer looks at why women executives are twice as likely as men to leave a job:

According to a recent study conducted by professors at Oregon State University’s College of Business, women executives are more than twice as likely as men to leave their jobs.  This is the case despite the fact that women now dominate the number of university graduates across almost all fields, and that most women, before the age of 30, are not only experiencing more success than their male counterparts, but the amount of money they are making is higher as well.

The study found that:

• 7.2% of women executives left their jobs, compared to 3.8 percent of men.
• Both voluntary rates: 4.3% for women versus 2.8% for men, and involuntary rates: 2.9% versus 0.9 percent were higher for women executives.
• Regardless of systemic evidence that women are more likely to leave their positions, the researchers did not find one driving factor that accounts for the numbers.

Why the Exodus?

While the study doesn’t point to one primary reason why women are twice as likely as men to leave before reaching the upper echelon of management and the C-Suite, being the primary caregiver is a traditional role that remains a major factor. When flexibility isn’t offered, women are often forced into stop-start career situations that often interfere with their ability to advance within the corporate setting.

Jennifer Allyn, Managing Director of Diversity for PricewaterhouseCoopers understands that: “Though there are more women in the U.S. workforce than ever before, women are still the primary caretakers in families. While men usually never need to step off their career tracks, women often need to dial down or slow down their careers to accommodate personal goals such as having a family and ascending to a position at the executive level is more difficult with start-stop careers.”

Workplace flexibility has become increasingly important over the past two decades, driven in large measure due to the prevalence of two-income families, and the growing number of working mothers in the work force. Another primary reason that women leave their jobs has to do with  a lack of strategy for developing women leaders within their organization. Despite employers’ efforts to achieve diversity within their workforce, 70% lack a clearly defined strategy for the development of women into leadership roles.

How to Stem the Flow

Companies use a variety of approaches for retaining talented women. In a recent post by Tina Vasquez in The Glass Hammer, she points to PricewaterhouseCoopers, where more than half of the firm’s new hires each year are women, and the number of partner-level positions women are achieving continues to steadily increase.  They point to the firm’s recognition that the number of hours people are willing – or able – to work changes over time. Consequently, they offer:

• Generous parental leave policies for new parents
• Flexible work programs
• Family sick days
• Women Up Front initiative – a virtual community designed to connect women across the firm, regardless of where they work or reside
• Full Circle – a flexible work program that enables female and male professionals the ability to take up to five years away from the firm to focus on full-time parenting

In Vasquez’s post, she quotes PricewaterhouseCooper’s Allyn: “Talent is talent. We always want to be focused on our highest performers, making sure they stay with us; it’s a long term game.” According to Allyn: “Women may not have as many role models as their male colleagues do. This can instill the belief in women that they are not compatible with competitive corporate culture. Our ambition initiative at PwC is about being purposeful and specific regarding recognition. We acknowledge that flexibility is important and over a career it can change. We have to make sure that we’re recognizing both our men and our women, encouraging their talents, and making sure they stay with us.”

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

What motivates you to remain in your current job? To find out what factors are most important to you, I created the following survey: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Career Satisfaction Among Professional Women. To take part in the survey, please click on the link and answer each of the 11 questions – feel free to add your comments, especially if your input is something that’s not included in the multiple choice answers.

Results of this survey will be published in a future blog post and the Sacred Success for Women Executives newsletter. Please take a few minutes and join the conversation. Your input is key:  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/XPX3H5L

• 5 Questions Women Need to be Asking Themselves as They Climb the Corporate Ladder
• Women and the Face of Leadership
• Why Executive Women Are Bailing on Corporate America

• Why Executive Women Are Bailing on Corporate America
• Women and the Face of Leadership
• Identity Theft: 5 Ways For Career Women To Deal With The Loss Of Their Professional Identity In Retirement

“Power is neither male nor female.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I’ve been a “feminist” since the early 70s (back when it wasn’t a dirty word or something many mainstream women backed away from endorsing out of fear they’d be cast as some power mad, man-hating, dare I say “bi…” (okay, I didn’t say it). Despite this one constant in my life however, I admit to engaging in a decades-long struggle with my own authentic power.

By authentic power, I mean the kind of power that is expanding and inclusive; the kind that enables us to stand up for ourselves and what we want in a way that isn’t hostile, inflammatory or aggressive. The truth is, many women – even those women executives in high-level positions who are used to being in leadership positions – aren’t in touch with their real power. We shy away from it. Try to deny it. It feels uncomfortable, like an itchy sweater that’s too tight around the middle.

You Lead, I’ll Follow?

Power has a masculine energy. At least that’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe. As such, male executives seem to have a lot more comfort around the notion of power, whereas women executives pull away from even the word itself. In reality, though, authentic power is a neutral energy – it’s not masculine or feminine. Authentic power isn’t physical – it’s not about exerting pressure or force. It’s more about opening up and being comfortable with the full force of who you are: your talents, your skills, your intelligence, and your uniqueness.

Kathryn Kolbert, Director of the Athena Center for Leadership Studies at Barnard College concurs and writes: “Part of the problem stems from the fact that many women are uncomfortable with power…In some cases women handle…[it] differently than many of their male colleagues. When it comes to power, many men come at their work believing they are equipped to handle power. So they are more likely to volunteer for tough assignments and leadership roles. Many women have a more ambivalent relationship to power and often wait to be asked, whether for a move into a top job or, in the public sphere, to make a run for office.”

All this discomfort with what authentic power really means, coupled with the vestiges of discrimination and the responsibility for child and family caretaking historically being the purview of women, makes it difficult for women executives to climb to leadership positions in both the private and public sector.

Who’s Wearing the Pants in this Relationship Anyway?

In addition, we have to contend with the whole issue of what a powerful leader really looks and acts like. Thankfully, women executives have moved past the “men in skirts” era, when the answer seemed to be imitating the traits of male leaders. In her recent article, Power, Ambition, Money, Failure: Confronting Career Taboos, Kolbert contends that: “Today, research into leadership is moving beyond the traditional masculine-hierarchical models. Scholars are now exploring the possibility that many women (and some men) have different leadership styles, from a more democratic approach to greater optimism, and a focus on empowering followers rather than commanding them. And scholars in numerous fields are beginning to demonstrate how biases in documenting women’s potential for leadership hinder the advancement of women as well as the organizations that might benefit from women’s contributions.”

As business women, when we are comfortable in our own power we are able to acknowledge our goals; we’re able to take ownership of our desire for financial success; our drive and ambition, and even – especially – our failures. I don’t believe we’re there yet. But we should be. And the only way to get there is to be honest about our discomfort and start communicating with each other about ways to honor our unique and powerful gifts.

What do you think? Are you ready to have such a conversation? Let’s begin it here and leave me your comments…

• Women and the Face of Leadership
• Why Executive Women Are Bailing on Corporate America
• Identity Theft: 5 Ways For Career Women To Deal With The Loss Of Their Professional Identity In Retirement

Best gal pal Jayne and I on a recent hot air balloon ride

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm Forbes

I had the wonderful opportunity this past weekend to spend some time with my best friend, Jayne, while attending an in-person mastermind group retreat.  We both flew to California where the business retreat was being held to spend some critical “catching up” time.

I’m continually amazed that we’ve been able to remain so close for more than 30 years, despite living 3000 miles apart. We’ve seen each other through the good, the bad and the downright ugly; through weddings, divorces and remarriages; through children and grandchildren, the deaths of our parents. It hasn’t always been easy, but long ago we made the commitment to cherish our friendship by any means necessary -  through honesty, compassion, laughter, and the occasional Margarita.

I feel this same framework of commitment and camaraderie developing among the women of the Viva Visibility Mastermind group I belong to – 11 heart-based women entrepreneurs (myself included) led by online visibility expert Nancy Marmolejo, a bright, engaging and effervescent spirit.

The beauty of a mastermind group is that participants raise the bar by challenging each other to create and implement goals, brainstorm ideas, and support each other with total honesty, respect and compassion. Mastermind participants act as catalysts for growth; they play devil’s advocates and idea-generating colleagues. In a truly synergistic mastermind group, lasting friendships are forged right alongside business relationships.

The women executives I work with have all expressed the importance of being part of such a group, despite not always having access to it themselves. While it doesn’t have to be a gender-specific group to be successful, for these women they feel an absence of “community,” a “tribe” or other association that develops when like-minded women come together. Often, the higher up the corporate ladder women executives climb, the fewer women there are accompanying them on the journey. They are looking for someone who can relate to the challenges they face – challenges that are unique to their particular career or industry, their position, or their gender. They yearn to be surrounded by other women who can act as a support system, who walk the talk, and who can see beyond limitations and fear.

In Barbara Stanny’s book Secrets of Six Figure Women , the women she interviewed all spoke of the importance other people had in their overall success (and granted, these people were not always women). In the book they referred to them in two ways: “True Believers” – people who recognize your potential and offer encouragement, and “Way Showers” – people who provide the map and serve as proof that success is possible. Sometimes they are separate people. Sometimes one person plays both roles, but always they are critical. Success is not a solitary journey.

There is nothing quite like having that peer-to-peer connection, and watching it deepen as time goes by. I feel an amazing mix of safety in my mastermind group – like being enveloped in a warm blanket at the same time I feel an energy pulsating from deep within ready to shake me loose and send me flying out into the universe. A caterpillar, until I am ready to become a butterfly. We should all have such an incubator in which to fully develop.

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Are you currently engaged in a mastermind group or some other group whose focus is on helping you to reach or exceed your goals, primarily in your career world? If you are, what is the #1 benefit you’re receiving? If you’re not, what is the #1 reason why not?

• The Myth of The C-Suite
• 7 Days to Know if You’re at Your Turning Point – Day 3: Carole’s Story
• 7 Days to Know If You’re at Your Turning Point – Day 2: Laurie’s Story

The following is a guest post from colleague Marcia Reynolds, PsyD., author of the newly released book: Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. Marcia works with leaders, top talent and entrepreneurs to achieve their goals with ease and grace.

I do not believe in the concept of having one authentic self. I believe you are made up of many selves that you draw on in various situations. The more successful you are, the better you are at drawing out the parts of yourself that will help you achieve your goals. When you define yourself as “a fighter” or “a nurturer” in every situation, you win some and you lose some.

If you cultivate your “selves concept” you accept a bigger reality of yourself.  You may have a core seed of self that doesn’t change, but then you modify aspects of who you are in order to handle the situation you are facing.

The process of expanding your sense of self–which includes the many selves you call forth–requires you let go of who you think you are to allow the many faces of you to emerge. This can be scary. You rely on a strong sense of self to succeed. Yet that strength can hold you back. The more open you are to considering new ways of thinking and acting, the faster you will succeed. One way of making this process tangible is to work with archetypes. Archetypes are patterns of energy that you demonstrate whenever you interact with someone. Some patterns are innate, wired into your brain when you are born. Other patterns take shape as you learn how to deal with difficulties and you are rewarded for specific behaviors. These patterns develop throughout your life. This also means you can recognize more latent patterns in yourself and expand them so that you can adapt to situations more readily.

The names given to the archetypes, such as Warrior, Martyr, and Inspirer, are designed to help you identify a set of behaviors that might serve you or hurt you in a situation. For example, calling on your Queen/King archetype can be useful to you if you need to stand your ground when you are negotiating for resources for your team or family. These same behaviors can be harmful if you play your Queen/King card when arguing with your spouse.

Sometimes we naturally shift our patterns with maturity. For example, I called on Warrior energy early in my career to help me fight my way up the ladder in two male-dominated corporations. Now I gain better results when I call on Connector and Inspirer energies. All three are still aspects of who I am but the balance has changed. Additionally, I learned that Rebels focus on what is wrong while Revolutionaries focus on what good we can create.

If you can identify the dominant and secondary archetypes present in your life right now, you will better understand the motivations for your actions and then choose new responses instead of acting habitually in various contexts. When you are running a meeting and it is not going well, you can call forth another archetype that might be more useful to you than the one that usually dominates. On the other hand, if you understand how the archetypes you are expressing serve your higher purpose, you can better articulate why you choose to behave in a certain way to help people understand what is driving your behavior.

This process of identifying, focusing on some, and decreasing other behavioral patterns is how you expand who you think you are. Open your mind to possibilities and you will find you will fight less with other people without having to surrender what is most important to you.

The following archetypes are the most common in the high-achievers I have coached, but represent only some of the patterns you may express. You will find a more comprehensive list of descriptions in my book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction.

Exercise: Choosing Your Board of Directors

When you look at the narrative of your life, what characters do you see yourself playing?

Step 1. Circle your top six dominant selves. If you struggle choosing, ask someone who knows you well to help you limit your list to six.

Step 2. Add two or three archetypes that you feel you own but haven’t yet developed (come up with your own names too). Add these to your dominant six and you have the Board of Directors making your life decisions. When you are struggling with a relationship or life decision, ask your board, one by one, what to do.

• Identity Theft: 5 Ways For Career Women To Deal With The Loss Of Their Professional Identity In Retirement
• 7 Days to Know If You’re at Your Turning Point – Day 2: Laurie’s Story
• 7 Days to Know if You’re at Your Turning Point – Day 6: Marilyn’s Story

There’s a growing exodus from the corporate world to the private sector, and executive women are leading this charge. In fact, women are leaving corporate jobs in favor of entrepreneurship at twice the rate of men, according to Cheskin Research, a California-based strategic market research and consulting company.

There are some interesting trends for women entrepreneurs popping up in recent research. According to the Center for Women’s Business Research, the number of women-owned U.S. businesses grew at twice the rate of all firms between 1997 and 2002, and the U.S. Small Business Administration reports that women-owned businesses account for 28% of all privately-owned companies. They employ more than 9 million people and contribute $2.38 trillion in revenue to the U.S. economy.

Which raises a rather interesting question: Why are women executives leaving Corporate America? In the past, women were willing to devote their time, effort and energy to meet the corporation’s goals at the expense of their own needs. Not anymore, however. Women executives are starting their own businesses in order to gain more:

• Freedom
• Flexibility
• Recognition
• Money
• Opportunities
• Other personal benefits and rewards

51% of women business owners who worked in the private sector prior to starting their own business cite the need for more flexibility as the primary reason for leaving corporate positions, according to a study by Catalyst, a nonprofit research and advisory organization working to advance professional women.

29% pointed to restrictive glass-ceiling issues as the reason they “opted out” of Corporate America, and of those women, 44% felt their contributions weren’t recognized or appreciated. “Opted out” is the latest buzzword to describe the growing trend within corporate circles to leave corporate positions in favor of alternate career paths.

According to Catalyst President Sheila Wellington: “As women walk out the door after years of training, what really walks out is the potential that those women would have brought to Corporate America.”

Co-sponsored by the National Foundation for Women Business Owners (NAWBO), the Committee of 200, and Salomon Smith Barney, the Catalyst research revealed that:

• One third of the women surveyed felt they weren’t taken seriously by their employer or supervisor.
• 58% reported that nothing would attract them enough to return to the corporate world.
• 24% said that they could be lured back by more money
• 11% said they could be lured back by greater flexibility

The sad reality is that Corporate America isn’t doing enough to prevent women executives from walking out the door. Companies need to focus on providing flexibility, opportunities for personal growth and continuing challenges if they are to retain women they view as high-potential or who are already significant contributors. In addition, companies need to identify potential women managers early in their careers, and recruit entrepreneurs to senior level positions and corporate boards.

Expanding leadership opportunities for women requires a shift in corporate cultures as well as some “give” by women themselves if true change is to take place. Corporate cultures need to support initiatives that give women high-visibility assignments, hold managers accountable for women’s advancements, and make gender diversity a mandatory part of succession planning.

Women executives can beef up their leadership development by taking on high-profile assignments that carry an element of risk, and should consider investing in coaching services in order to refine their leadership skills – something that will help them excel whether they choose to remain in a corporate setting or venture out on their own.

• Women and the Face of Leadership
• Identity Theft: 5 Ways For Career Women To Deal With The Loss Of Their Professional Identity In Retirement
• Not “Men in Skirts”: The Feminine Face of the High-Level Executive