Inner Affluence: Increase Your Sacred Capital » Career

Crossing the Thresholds of Mid-Life

Evelyn — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:52:24 +0000

This week’s guest blog post is by Kate Williams, Small & Local Business Champion who owns Social Biz Local Biz: Social media and internet marketing solutions for local businesses. www.SocialBizLocalBiz.com

I experienced the first half of my life as a journey out of the cold and darkness of an unguided childhood into my adult roles of worker, mother, friend and wife. Those roles gave me the gift of choices to make and a growing practical wisdom informed by the consequences of those choices.

Fortunately, I found some wise friends and teachers along the way, and supported my journey across many bridges over chasms of despair and depression with the gift of time to learn and competency, intelligence and curiosity.

Now, in the second half of my life, there are some new challenges (and some worn, familiar challenges) to be met in new ways. What I have discovered just recently is that time no longer feels like a gift that offers learning and growth and a journey with new views ahead and around every bend. The hourglass has been turned and now time feels more like it is offering a different and unfamiliar gift.

The knowledge and skills acquired in the first half of my life are not adequate to face and live the challenges of the second half.

In her book, The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom, Angeles Arrien conceptualizes the second half of life as “the ultimate initiation” with “four broad frontiers to face“:

Retirement: from what, toward what?
The possibility of becoming a mentor, a steward, or a grandparent.
Coping with the natural challenges of maintaining the health of an aging body.
Mortality: losing our loved ones, and the inevitability of our own death.

I’ve only barely begun a deep investigation of the four frontiers and eight gates of initiation Arrien describes, but even the beginning is full of opportunities to deepen the experience of life in these “second half” years of my life.

Knocking at the Gate of a New Beginning

“Perseverance is a great element of success.

If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate,

you are sure to wake up something or somebody.”

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have come to this gate repeatedly in the past ten years, the years of my journey in my fifth decade, and find myself knocking boldly and then turning away. I find that I am frightened, not accepting. I am afraid of loneliness, loss, depression, and decline. I am not yet able to accept the aging of my body and mind. It is dismaying to me to face a future without the anticipation of the excitement I used to feel when the unknown seemed to promise new, fresh experience just around the corner.

The task for me now is to lean into this gate “connected to sources of hope and inspiration” and step across the threshold past the symptoms of my disconnection from what is meaningful and vital. I know that there are significant endings of things once so important to me:

My professional career, always an island of competency and meaningful work as well as income (which seems to be ending no matter how mightily I grip it and dig my heels in to stay attached while it gallops away);
A long term relationship turning from a gift of safety and security to an outgrown and constricting place of judgment;
And, my role as mother, grandmother and friend where physical distance denies me my usual ways to stay connected and contributing.

The Fire of Mid-Life Transformation

I am only at the beginning of knocking at the gate of a new beginning and adventure. In Arrien’s Second Half of Life, she presents Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ graphic description of the fire of transformation:

“Deep in the wintry parts of our minds, we are hardy stock and know there is no such thing as work-free transformation. We know that we will have to burn to the ground in one way or another, and then sit right in the ashes of who we once thought we were and go on from there.”

Arriens describes the Gate as the challenge we encounter, opening the Gate as working with the barrier or challenge at the threshold and crossing the threshold as the process of Transformation, the fire. The first piece of work for me at the Gate seems to be a question for reflection.

The question that seems to call to me to be reflected upon at this stage is a question of “return”: What do I want to return to that I have found meaningful and effective in my work? How can I apply that effectiveness to the issues I face now (physical limitations, underemployment, loss of relationships)? What actions can be taken towards effective “return”?

What helps you to re-connect to your regenerative forces, sources of inspiration, hope and creativity? How do you stay connected? Please share that wisdom with me while I persevere in knocking at the Silver Gate.

Explorations on the Journey of Midlife

Evelyn — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:52:48 +0000

This week’s guest blog post is by Linda Mickle, Nurse Practitioner and trusted adviser who helps exhausted, stressed, burned out entrepreneurs shift from Symptoms to Solutions to Success. www.TheHealthyBusinessWoman.com.

Having turned 56 recently, broaching the topic of midlife seemed natural to me. Typically around my birthday I look back at where the journey of my life has taken me, what I have accomplished and learned, and where I want the coming years to take me. So here’s my retrospective.

The Early Forties

I started thinking back on what I was doing in my mid-forties. In some ways it seems like just yesterday. I had ended a long term relationship and was taking stock of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I decided to return to graduate school to obtain a Master’s Degree in Nursing as a Nurse Practitioner. I had been working full time in a hospital as a RN since I was twenty and could clearly see that I wanted more autonomy with my career over the long term. It seemed like a natural progression.

So off to school I went, and within a short three years I was a NP. Then came the learning curve of taking on all the responsibility that a NP takes on, and boy was that an awakening. I wanted autonomy and I surely got it. Baptism by fire they call it.

The Mid Forties

Soon after I started working as a Nurse Practitioner I started to have health challenges – not uncommon for women at this age. I’d been dealing with a genetic kidney disease since my mid-twenties and then I really started having health setbacks and soon found myself on dialysis. I was working a full time job and did the type of dialysis you do at home. And I commuted two hours a day to work. And I tried to have a social life and some semblance of normalcy. And I did that for five years – yes, five years. One foot in front of the other. Onward ho! P.S. I don’t recommend pushing yourself as hard as I pushed myself during this time.

The Late Forties

Then I received the blessing of a kidney transplant. I thought that would be the be-all-and-end-all of my problems, yet it brought on its own set of challenges and I was unable to return to work due to complications after the surgery.

Wow! That knocked me on my proverbial butt! Girl, did I struggle with “who am I if I am not the nurse practitioner that takes care of patients and shows up for work every day ready to solve problems for others?” It was now time for me to show up for ME and solve my OWN problems and figure out who I was. This time was a true journey of the Dark Night of the Soul for me. It was a true Sacred Pause.

I went on a journey to find myself. Now mind you, while I was in the midst of the process, I thought this was the worst possible thing that could have happened to me. Then, slowly but surely, I began to find my way, a new way to my new self. Not the nurse, not the sick person, but the full me. Therein was the gift.

The Early Fifties

I joined a Women’s Group, did 1:1 therapy. I learned about the Enneagram and my personality type. I learned Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. I became a HeartMath Instructor. I did massage, Reiki, craniosacral, acupuncture, and Chi Gong. I went to sweat lodges and worked with a Shaman. I went to church. I traveled and explored nature. I played with my dogs. I became a volunteer for Hospice. I went back to school and became a Certified Life Coach.

The Mid Fifties

It hasn’t been until now that I find myself able to synthesize all of my experiences to come to a place of wisdom, a place of experience and knowing. Somehow things seemed to come together to a place of peace and serenity, and most importantly, a true knowing of my purpose on this planet and how I plan to move forward to bring that to fruition.

Lessons Learned

I share this story with you in hopes that you will see there was no linear path, no straight line that I followed to get from where I was to where I am today. The best advice I can give you about midlife is to be open to what shows up, listen to your heart, be curious, try new things, ask yourself questions, check out your responses, follow your intuition and trust yourself.

These are the qualities I called upon in the midst of meandering along my path, and I am quite pleased with where I have landed. I love my life and am grateful for all of my experiences, the good, the bad, and the challenging. They all make me who I am today. I wonder what’s next?…

A Simple Question to Change Your Life – If You Embrace the Answer

Evelyn — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:38:35 +0000

This week’s guest blog post is by Sandy Martini, Small Business Mentor and Strategic Marketing Expert. Sandy brings her years of hands-on business and marketing experience to help passionate, yet struggling, small business owners realize their dreams of creating a business which supports their desired lifestyle. More time. More profits. More life. www.sandramartini.com.

It’s amazing. . .when we’re little kids, lots of people ask what/who we want to be when we grow up.

And then the question stops.

Whether we’ve gone to college and picked something, or got a job straight out of high school, many stop asking “What/who do I want to be when I grow up?”

And often, when approaching (or having reached) middle age, we think it’s too late to change. Too late to embrace the dreams we had as a little girl. Too late even for the dreams we formed more recently when we decided we didn’t want to be a lawyer, executive, whatever.

What if we embraced each day with the question “Who am I?” not defined by our job or business, but rather by our values, our integrity, our innermost desires and dreams?

Who would you be today?
How would things change?

Let’s take it a step further. The average person spends most of her waking hours at work/business or preparing for it/commuting. Does your job/business support who you truly are? If not, what needs to change to embrace your inner most self?

What’s your first step?

Are you smiling yet? Smiling with the thought of allowing yourself to be who you truly are?

Dare I Talk About the “Midlife FAT Cell”?

Evelyn — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 13:31:14 +0000

This week’s guest post is by Entrepreneur Mentor, Marie-Jeanne Juilland. You can find her on Twitter: @mjjuilland and LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mariejeannejuilland.

As a mentor for corporate escapees who’ve now opted to pursue the entrepreneurial life, I don’t usually advise on menopause. But I do talk a lot about self-care with my clients. And as I’m finding out myself at age 51 – and as I head toward menopause – self care is all the more critical at this time in our life.

So let me ask you: Anyone besides me finding they’ve suddenly put on 10, maybe 15lbs without any changes in their diet or exercise? And that weight is not budging even if you double your exercise and cut back on your food. What on earth is going on?

Enter the Midlife FAT Cell.

What I’ve now learned is that the role of our fat cells is absolutely key to our self care at midlife. Why? Simple biology: our ovaries are no longer producing estrogen like they used to – and estrogen is not just for fertility, it’s key for womens’ brains, bones, skin, heart and many other organs. So when our ovaries slow down – who comes to the rescue? You guessed it, FAT cells. These lovelies are also designed to produce estrogen, but to do so there need to be more of them. And so, we find ourselves now with an extra 10 lbs – or more – that won’t budge like it used to when we diet or step up our exercise.

Here’s where the confusion continues: We’ve grown up in a time when societal norms dictated that being slim was “in”, dieting was a requirement. I should know. In fact, at different times in my youth I was an extreme althete/dancer, you might say nearly anorexic.

Dieting, however, is in fact the worst thing we can do at this time in our lives. When we diet, we stress our fat cells and they fight back even harder trying to do their job of taking care of us.

Instead of fighting those FAT cells; embrace them. “Stop dieting and start exercising.” That’s the mantra of Debra Waterhouse, author of Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell, one of the best books I’ve read of late. And ever since I followed her advice, my perimenopausal symptoms have backed way off. I’m learning to love that extra 10 lbs!

My new mindset, and one I’d recommend for many of us amazing women at this point in our lives: Love your FAT cells!

They look out for your mental and physical well being. They are your body’s natural way of self care.

Yes, ladies, we are in a period of menopausal zest!, as Margaret Mead, I believe called it. Some of my new role models: Whoopi Goldberg, Sophia Loren, Meryl Streep – and any naturally healthy midlife woman in my neighborhood or workplace. As Debra Waterhouse says: “These are women who exercise, don’t diet and eat instinctively. They move freely and feel comfortable in their maturing bodies.”

That’s the “club” I want to join! See you there too?

The Turning Point

Evelyn — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 13:58:04 +0000

This week’s guest blog post is by Carol Hess, www.StarPolisher.com, a writer, survivor, blogger, cat lover, and star polisher – not necessarily in that order. She works with overweight women, helping them discover and polish their stars, and she is currently writing The Fat Lady Sings, the story of how she stopped “weighting” for life and started living it instead.

“Carol, do you realize you’re middle-aged?” My mother posed the surprising question rather aggressively.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Well, if I’m middle-aged, then what does that make you?”

My mother paused a moment and then answered emphatically, “Old!”

We burst out laughing, and that was the end of our conversation. I don’t know what prompted my mother to remind me how old I was. Perhaps I wasn’t acting the way she thought a woman at mid-life should act.

I’ve always been a late bloomer. Maybe that’s why I hadn’t given my age and how much time I have left much thought until a couple of years ago, when a medical crisis reminded me I was going to die someday.

Later the same day my mother declared me middle-aged and herself old, I was sitting at my desk at home, looking through the Help Wanted ads. (This was years before the internet and LinkedIn.) And I had an epiphany. I no longer wanted a corporate job.

Then I had a second, related epiphany. I didn’t want to continue my corporate career, because it wasn’t me. I had just pursued it because I thought I “should.” It was the path of least resistance. A passive decision by default.

Then came epiphany number three. (It was a big day for epiphanies.) I didn’t have to define myself by the work I did unless I chose to do so. Wow! That was a stunner. That one rocked me back on my heels.

I’m sure you don’t find my epiphanies in the least bit startling. You’ve probably experienced similar ah ha moments or perhaps you have had it all figured out from the get go. In which case, congratulations! I’m envious.

That day sitting at my desk was a turning point in my life. It was the day I took my first tentative and tottering step toward accepting responsibility for who I was and the life I was leading. With that intimidating responsibility, came the giddiness and joy of empowerment.

My turning point was a long time coming, perhaps even overdue. But it was one helluva way to kick off the second half of my life.

Finding Personal Meaning Is An Inside Job: 5 Essential Competencies Women Need To Tackle To Successfully Launch A ReCareer

Evelyn — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 21:29:12 +0000

From the Vintage Vault. This blog post was originally published on October 9, 2009. Comments were hot and heavy then. Ready to add yours to the conversation? I’d love for you to leave your insights and gems in the comment section below…

For women, the second half of life brings with it many career choices and questions. For some women, continuing in a current career doesn’t fulfill personal, spiritual or financial needs as it once did. For others, re-entering the workforce has become a necessity due to the changes in the economy.

In either case, a ReCareer may be the answer. What is a ReCareer? According to Dr. Richard P. Johnson, nationally renowned expert on maturing adult development and founder of ReCareer, Inc. it is: “Personally authentic work that feeds your mind, your heart, and your spirit.”

Women at midlife who are “seekers” want something deeper out of life. They want more personal purpose, more meaning, and want their efforts to align more closely with their core beliefs. They seek a more authentic way of living. To these women seekers, who may be 45, 55, 65 or older, age holds no meaning. What does hold meaning for them comes from work and interactions that renew their life purpose, revitalize their passion, reignite their soul, and reinvigorate their inner desires.

One of my closest friends is a seeker. She was courageous enough to listen to that persistent voice inside her that said she needed to take a new career path. For the past several years she has commuted back and forth between the home she shares with her husband in Pennsylvania and her apartment in New York City where she runs her own executive coaching business. She was in her mid 50s when she made this change.

Largely because of seekers like my friend, there has been a fundamental shift in how we perceive getting older. Previous assumptions about life’s second half are becoming passé as a new set of beliefs are giving birth to what it means to live optimally. Aging is no longer viewed as a forced march down a path of decline and constriction, a path that narrows the older we get. The path we’re on now is one of expansion, with an accent on gaining new wisdom, and discovering a new authenticity and significance greater than anything previously experienced.

Certainly the goals of working over our lifespan have changed. Our former jobs provided a financial foundation. They paid the mortgage, put the kids through school, and got us through the daily expenses of living. All of this was necessary, but for many reasons women are now searching for something more; something that gives rise to that still small voice within longing for achievement of a different type – something that feeds their very being.

There are relatively few, if any, clear cut directions for women in midlife who are seeking that blending of career and life passion, so how do they begin this ReCareer journey? The first thing is to commit to a personal assessment, a personal excavation of sorts. A ReCareer represents much more than a set of skills and functions, it’s a woman’s personal response to her inner call; it’s her investment in the mission of her life. A ReCareer determines much of a woman’s total environment: physical, social, mental, psychological, and even spiritual arenas of living.

There are 5 essential competencies that women need to tackle before they can successfully launch themselves into a ReCareer. This journey of discovery will bring them personal fulfillment as well as meet their individual needs, and put them solidly on the path to ReCareer success:

ReCareer Identity: is defined as the degree to which women derive a personal sense of identity and definition from their work. How much of their personal identity, their unique definition of self, comes from their career? In addition, it’s important to look at attitudes, beliefs, and feelings women hold about themselves and determine if they are still true or if they are self-limiting. It’s also important to construct a personal definition of their potential ReCareer (new career), and to assess each of their formerly held positions in terms of skills and functions performed, and any personal feelings generated by these positions.

ReCareer Self-Assessment: helps women identify their ReCareer values, interests and skills. Do they know their inner values, motivated skills, and most cherished interests well enough to accurately translate what’s truly best for them in their ReCareer process?

Transition Hardiness: The definition of “hardiness” is the ability to be adaptable and flexible – two qualities that are critical to successfully engaging in Recareer life change. Women need to determine if they have developed the necessary inner qualities of hardiness: commitment, control, challenge, and connectedness which will enable them to better achieve their ReCareer goals. By looking at past career and personal life experiences women can assess these qualities and work on those areas that may need shoring up.

ReCareer Success Perception: looks at women’s personal and career worlds and how well they can perceive the events in their career and personal life as self-enhancing and self-affirming. That’s done by uncovering and analyzing the successes women have achieved in their personal and career life to date. Success perception is the foundation of a positive self-esteem. Without a positive self-esteem, women are denying their innate power – the energy that calls them to their ReCareer Success. It’s important for women to define what “success” means to them, and to ask themselves if they have successfully clarified their unique formula for ReCareer success.

Setting ReCareer Goals and Making ReCareer Decisions: The purpose of this focus is to help women establish ReCareer and life goals that can assist them in pursuing a clear ReCareer direction. To do this, it’s important to look at all of the life arenas: work, family, relationships, self, leisure, and spiritual to assess how well women exercise solid decision-making skills and what areas they need to address in order to formulate the most compelling ReCareer goals and bring these into reality.

Inspiration, Legacy & Your Ultimate Calling

Evelyn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 19:57:47 +0000

Join me as I talk with Toni Reece, President of PEOPLE Academy, Inc., and host of the Get Inspired!2 Project – daily interviews creating a legacy of inspiration:

“We often think of the word ‘legacy’ as being that thing that we give at the end of our life; but really, the legacy is living with significance and living full out and passionately until you’re no longer here.” ~ from my Get Inspired!2 Project interview

If you’d prefer to listen to the interview:

Get Inspired!2 Project

Toni Reece: What does inspiration mean to you?

Evelyn: I thought about that when I first signed on for this interview. I was reminded of a little poem by Rumi – “Every tree and plant in the meadow seemed to be dancing, those which average eyes would see as fixed and still.”

For me, when I think about inspiration, it’s really about being open and aware, and just being grateful and finding gratitude in everything that I possibly can throughout the day. Really, I find my inspiration by listening to the stories that are everyone’s lives. In the work I do, I’m so open to hearing the stories of the different women who come into my life or who I work with – colleagues, friends – that’s where I draw a lot of my inspiration from.

To me, inspiration is your ultimate calling. It’s the thing you were put here on earth to do, and it’s what gives your life direction, purpose, and motivation. I think we can all be inspired at the same time we’re unsure perhaps of what kind of work we want to pursue or activities we want to do, but inspiration is that calling to proceed, even when we’re unsure of our goals and our achievements.

Toni Reece: How do you put that inspiration into practice?

Evelyn: Really, I try to be a living, breathing example of inspiration every day. Not from a place of ego, and not to pretend that I never have a bad day or a problem, but by making a conscious choice to see the trees and the plants dancing in the meadow, just like the poem talks about.

To find gratitude and inspiration, even in the most difficult challenges – for me, that’s something I’ve really had to put into conscious practice the last few years because of a chronic health problem I’ve developed. The primary symptom is intractable pain.

I feel like I have two choices – I can try to find the positive and the inspiration and the message behind why this particular thing has happened to me and what it is I’m meant to learn and help others learn through it, or I can sit and wallow in it, which is not going to change the reality. For me, it’s making that choice every day, and sometimes every moment if it’s a particularly bad day.

Toni Reece: Evelyn, how do you do that?

Evelyn: I think you have to have faith in whatever it is. I’m not a religious person, but I am a spiritual person. It’s just finding a faith that nothing that comes in our lives is more than we can handle, and that I try honestly to believe that everything in life that happens to me is a lesson. It’s something that perhaps I need to learn or something that I need to help someone else learn.

It’s a choice. That’s all I can tell you is that it’s a choice; it’s a choice for me in every moment. I don’t always succeed, but then what I’ll do is I’ll look around me or I’ll surround myself with people who are living, breathing examples of that inspiration, and that will be enough to pull me out of that place of self-pity. Sometimes I’ll set a clock. I’ll set a literal timer, and I’ll allow myself 15 minutes to have a little pity party, and then when the timer’s done, I pick myself up and move on, because there’s a lot more to be grateful for than to complain about.

Toni Reece: So really, what inspiration means to you with the being open and aware and grateful, you practice this, but you also gain from it by being around it.

Evelyn: I thrive on that, honestly. I think that’s a conscious choice we make as well, because the world we live in today, it’s so easy to get caught up in all the negativity. There’s so much information out there, and unfortunately so much of what we’re seeing and hearing can be very negative and depressing.

It doesn’t mean walking through life being a Pollyanna and not seeing the problems, but it does mean making sure that’s not all you see, and that you become effective; you’re either part of the solution, or you’re part of the problem, so you fix and you help where you can, and you trust that that’s enough – in that moment, that’s enough.

Toni Reece: What is your greatest life lesson?

Evelyn: For me, it is through becoming ill. It has transformed me into someone who understands what my life purpose is perhaps faster and sooner than I would have discovered if I had just been living my life the way I was up until five years ago. To me, I see that as a gift, even as it’s been the most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with, because I had to leave my job, and in leaving my job, I had to make a decision about the rest of my life. At the time, I wasn’t even 50 years old – what was I going to do? I’m not one to just sit on the sidelines and not do anything.

It was really finding my purpose and finding something that I could do. I’m also a very proud person who doesn’t like to show when I’m not doing well or I’m having a messy day. This has been a gift to me as well, because it’s enabled me to actually share with others, and in sharing with others and allowing them to see me struggle or me overcome something, it gives them permission to do that as well. That, for me, has really been the biggest life lesson – that I can still have a life; that I’m a person with a disease, and not a diseased person.

Toni Reece: You know, Evelyn, life lessons tend to come through some heavy learning, and the fact that your life purpose is attached to a life lesson is pretty powerful. If I could ask you to share with us how you came to the life purpose – how did you know that that was to be your purpose in the work that you’re doing? There are so many Boomers that are in transition, and so many people – not just Boomers – that are in transition or trying to figure out what their purpose is. How did you know?

Evelyn: I’d like to say it was just a light bulb moment and I just woke up to it one morning, and that was that. Really, it wasn’t, and maybe for some people it is. For me, it was more of a process, and that process started with what I like to refer to as little inner rumblings. Little nagging thoughts that kept working their way up from way inside myself, and they would come out to the surface.

I didn’t welcome them. I wasn’t open to them at the time, so I would push them down, because at the time it was too scary – and I think it’s something we often do when we’re getting close to giving birth to something or transitioning or transforming to another way of living. It’s scary. Oftentimes, we try to stuff it and keep our life on course, even though we’re really not happy – even though we really know there’s a restlessness there that needs to be answered.

It took a couple years, and again, it literally took that crisis, about to fall off a cliff experience, for me to say, ‘Okay, if not now, when?’ I started thinking about the number of years I worked in the corporate and nonprofit world as an executive. I started to think about the fact that there were so many challenges and things that I had to go through, so many parts of myself that I had to suppress or push aside because they didn’t fit into the life I was living and the work I was doing. Then I started to realize that really it didn’t fit because that’s not what I’m meant to be doing.

I needed something that was going to enable me to be creative, to be slightly quirky, to kind of work on my own rhythms and my own hours. What I found was that by the time I got through this transformation, how I wished that I had had somebody that could have helped guide me through that process when it all started, and for me that’s how I got that light bulb, that ‘ah-ha – that’s what I’m here for’.

If I could do anything in the world…that’s what I want to do. I want to help these women who are approaching midlife to not look at life once you hit midlife as a lessening or a constriction, but more of an expansion. I know so many women who are approaching their 40s, their 50s, and they feel like for the first time in their life they’re really coming into their own. They’re really finding their own power at a time when our society might be saying to us, “You need to start stepping back because you’re getting old.”

I want to help show women that you don’t have to do that, and we can age gracefully. We can age with a certain ferociousness, and that getting older may be a chronological fact, but we act our stage, not our age. There’s still so much we can be doing. It’s helping these women find out what that is, and doing it now and not waiting until the end of their days when they look back and they have regrets…

Toni Reece: Evelyn, there’s just so much value in what you’re speaking about here, and I absolutely love this Project and people that show up here. It sounds all wrapped through your life lesson was right out of the gate with what inspiration means to you is being open and aware, and yet the life lesson and the purpose came from realizing you weren’t open and aware. The inspiration really exploded for you, didn’t it, once it happened?

Evelyn: It did; and constantly having to push just beyond my comfort zone. When you’re standing on one mountain and there’s this huge crevasse and you’re looking across and there’s a mountain on the other side, and you know in your heart and soul that that’s where you want to be, but you’re over here. Somehow you have to build a bridge and you have to take one step beyond where you’re comfortable each step of the way, until you get to that place.

You’re not going to do that all at once; I know that I’m not going to do it all at once. I know I’m not done, but I really feel that I’m on my way. I’m on my journey. That’s an inspirational thing right there for me. It helps me get up every day and have a purpose.

Toni Reece: What do you want your legacy to be?

Evelyn: I think that like so many of us, that I made a difference. One of the things I work with women on is what I call “living your legacy.” I think what I want my legacy to be is that I want women to understand that if you are open to it, and you’re willing to do the work, and you’re willing to let go of some things, that you can live your legacy in your forties, in your fifties, in your sixties, instead of waiting.

We often think of the word ‘legacy’ as being that thing that we give at the end of our life; but really, the legacy is living with significance and living full out and passionately until you’re no longer here…

*Oil on Canvas Painting by Ahmed Nussaif “Kliem of South”

A Search for Significance

Evelyn — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 19:13:18 +0000

Posting some vintage content from the vault this week. This post really sparked a lot of conversation the first time it ran in 2009, and I’d love for you to add your thoughts in the comment section.

While working on developing products and services for the coming year, it occurred to me that I needed to ask a number of questions of the women I serve or hope to serve before I can create a workshop, retreat, e-book, or any other product that is spot on. So I began to do just that, and have spent the past couple of months talking with women all across the corporate spectrum about their pain points, their challenges, their goals and passions.

I wanted to get a better handle on what ignites a fire in the belly of a high-achieving, soul-driven midlife woman, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Everyone I talked with was wonderfully open, unreservedly frank, and touchingly vulnerable. While these women may have taken any number of divergent paths as a result of choice or circumstance, there are a number of places where these various paths intersect, and when standing on that sacred ground, their voices sound particularly unified.

Taking Inventory

As a general rule, successful career women engage in an ongoing inventory of their lives, their values, and their priorities in order to make sure these areas are integrated and aligned, and to make the necessary adjustments when they are not, but midlife is a time when that level of evaluation and reflection becomes increasingly essential.

Many of the women I spoke with commented on this kind of self-reflection and on their desire to combine both money and meaning to live a life rich in significance. For some women, that means reflecting on whether or not their current career can meet them where they now live in terms of their evolving values and desire to create an optimum life.

Midlife Reflections - Women Speak

“Is this all there is? I ponder that question every day since I turned 52. One the one hand, I love what I do. On the other hand, I’ve had this nagging restlessness the past several years – this subtle itch that’s telling me there has to be something more.”

“It’s not to say that what I’ve been doing these past 25 years didn’t have significance for me, but my needs have changed. The goals I had in my 20s and 30s are not the goals I have today. I’ve met those – achieved those – and what I value has evolved over the years. Now it’s time to align these values more closely with the kind of work I do. To do that means branching out in a totally new direction.”

“I am a child of the 60s. We started out with a lot of idealism and a belief that we could make things better in the world. What I’m seeing now is a lot of younger people in their late twenties, early thirties, who are seeing that in themselves, too. There’s a spark there that I relate to and I feel it’s important to keep that spark ignited so I can continue to make a difference – something I’m not so sure I’m doing in my current career.”

“If I am really honest with myself, I know I’m just not performing at my peak level any longer. To admit that is frightening to me, but at the same time it challenges me to step up my game or step off and into a new arena.”

“I literally woke up one morning and realized I’d been doing this for 25 years. It’s not that I haven’t loved what I’ve done, but I just can’t imagine myself doing it for the next 25 years.”

Taking Stock

Over the course of his research, psychologist Erik Erikson emphasized the importance of having a sense of authenticity and integrity in later midlife. He found that the growth of the personality in the 40s and 50s is built on a heightened concern with the meaning of life and the process of taking stock, resilience in the face of setbacks, and greater self-acceptance.

There is a deeper sense of the core self, with fewer illusions and a beginning appraisal of where career and life has taken a woman. This re-examination is as natural as it is inevitable, and it often begins by asking questions and seeking answers from her internal world as well as her external world.

The questions a woman may ask herself are some of the same questions I asked during my recent conversations with various career women. As a favor to me, but more importantly, as a favor to yourself, take a break; make yourself a piping hot cup of herbal tea; sit down somewhere quiet, somewhere private, and allow your mind to consider the following:

What are the top 3 goals you most want to achieve?
What are the top 3 things you love about what you currently do?
What are the top 3 things that aren’t working for you, or that you’re not actively addressing?
As a high-achieving, soul-driven woman, what is it that ignites that fire in your belly?
What is the 1 thing you feel is holding you back from living your most optimum life?

After you’ve spent some time thinking about these things, I’d love for you to share your answers here as part of this blog post. Let’s continue the conversation we’ve started and see where it leads us. We’re all on a journey of discovery, and all roads lead to a more sacred kind of success…

Alchemist, Gardener or Vagabond Traveler – What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up (Again)?

Evelyn — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 19:05:10 +0000

Midlife is a time for reassessing: your career, your goals, your ambitions. Perhaps you’re looking to try something new, but you’re not quite sure how to go about it or what exactly that “something” is, but what you do know is that it’s time to find out.

It can be a daunting proposition to jettison a career you’ve spent so many years cultivating and growing. Not to mention dealing with the dreaded “C” word: Change!

How can you make it easier?

The first thing is to make a list of 15-20 things you’re passionate about that you can explore doing for a living. It’s important not to censor yourself or spend time picking apart your choices. It’s about brainstorming possibilities, so leave your judgments and preconceptions at the curb for this part of the process.

Here’s the list I put together when I went through my own reassessment period several years ago:

Writing
Traveling
Teaching
Coaching
Creating
Designing
Decorating
Organizing events or projects
Speaking
Gardening
Spending time exploring nature
Collecting Native American artwork
Researching
Learning
Making a positive difference in the world
Mentoring

Be sure to reflect back on the things you loved doing as a child, because it’s often these childhood passions that still fuel our creativity, even though we may have cast them aside in order to become “responsible adults.”

The next step in the p.r.o.c.e.s.s. is to do an assessment of your core strengths. Having a solid handle on the things you do well will help you decide what direction you want to take in your career and life. It’s a key piece of the reassessment puzzle.

Again, don’t over-analyze. Just brainstorm freely, and be sure to include personal strengths along with actual talents and abilities that are more a function of what you do in your job. Ask colleagues, friends, family, and those you trust for their input, especially if you have the tendency to undervalue your gifts.

Here’s my list of core strengths (with a little help from my friends…):

Strong communicator
Strategic thinker
Goal-directed
Empathetic
Good listener
Relationship builder
Organized
Intuitive, yet grounded
Inspirational
Resilient
Curious
Problem-solver
Flexible
Collaborative
Able to see the big picture – 360 degree view
Abstract thinker
Believe in possibilities
Risk-taker
Humorous
Teacher
Spontaneous

We’re looking at strengths here – not things we don’t like about ourselves, or that we want/need to improve upon. It’s easy to come up with a list of what we don’t do well. Excavating your core strengths will probably take you much longer, because for many women the tendency to be self-critical is hardwired into our psyche.

Finally, ask yourself: “What is my big Why?” What motivates you; drives you to get up each day; sparks your innate curiosity? For me, my big “Why” is a strong desire to make a positive difference in someone’s life – whether it’s my family, friends, colleagues, clients, or the world-at-large. It’s the ONE thing that figures predominantly in all the decisions I make, and what commitments I agree to take on.

Less crucial, but still in my top 5, is the need for freedom, exploration and variety. Anything that tethers me too tightly, or keeps me from having the flexibility to travel, or doesn’t enable me to work in a way that takes advantage of my energy cycles, is not the career for me.

Neither is a singular career. Being an entrepreneur requires that I wear various hats, deal with multiple issues at the same time. It requires that I utilize my core strengths in numerous ways, and no two days are ever the same.

It’s my perfect fit. What’s yours?

Are you still charged up about your career? If so, what’s your big “Why”? If not, and you’re just beginning, in the midst of, or have already completed your transition to something new and different, I’d love to know what you’ve discovered about your “Why.” Please share your comments here.

Wordless Wednesdays – Week 6

Evelyn — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 16:32:41 +0000

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons license

Each Wednesday for the next few months it’s Wordless Wednesday here on my blog. An opportunity to ‘read’ what’s framed within a photograph; to take just the briefest of moments to still yourself; to let yourself be open to whatever thoughts, memories, emotions an image can bring forth. Photos have stories. As do you. What is the story this photo is telling you? Leave a comment…