I’d just come off what felt like a particularly unproductive Monday when I opened an email from Toni Reece, President of The PEOPLE Academy, Inc., and the brainchild behind The Get Inspired! Project. Toni, a personal and business development coach, wanted to let me know that the recent interview she conducted with me was up and on the Get Inspired! website (http://www.getinspiredproject.com/2010/03/09/day-160-evelyn-kalinosky/).

I was honored to be chosen for Toni’s pet project: Exploring what inspires us and how we inspire others. Hers is a lofty goal – conducting 365 interviews over 365 days, and sharing them in a blog format similar to that of Julie and Julia, one of her own inspirations based on the true story of a woman who writes a daily blog about her goal of creating all of the recipes in Julia Child’s cookbook “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” in one year’s time.

I’m Day 160. After having read Days 1 – 159, and gaining a glimpse into the lives of so many unique men and women, I wasn’t sure there was anything I could offer that would possibly be seen as inspirational. Yet the amazing, truly humbling reality is that someone, somewhere will find my words and my story motivating. They might be traveling a similar path or resonate with a particular word, or sentence, or thought, and in that moment a connection will be made and shared and passed on into the world.

Isn’t that what we’re all really here to do? Give and receive inspiration? Be a source of strength and a receiver of strength when it’s most needed?  In a way this interview was a test for me. A test of my commitment to living a more authentic and honest life. I’ve been working very hard these past few years to embrace my imperfections, and to honor the truth that not every moment of my life is sanguine and picturesque.

In the interview with Toni I talk about this very thing: “I think in a lot of ways I put up walls for people, because I always tried to come across as someone who has their stuff together all the time, and I thought that was doing people a service and that that’s what people needed to see in order to be inspired.  And then I realized that really that’s not the answer, because sometimes it can seem like it’s a goal that’s too lofty and not reachable.  So I’ve been over the years learning how to be more human, to be more fully human, and to me there’s nothing more inspirational than someone who is fully human and embracing both the good and the bad in themselves.”

By listening to other people’s stories – the challenges and adversity they’ve been through – and the magnificent way they’ve managed to rise like a Phoenix out of the ashes and create a meaningful life, it’s given me permission to speak about my own journey. That’s the inspiration I’m hoping lights a fire for someone else who chooses to read or listen to my story. http://www.getinspiredproject.com/2010/03/09/day-160-evelyn-kalinosky/.

You’ll find all The Get Inspired! Project interviews here: http://www.getinspiredproject.com. Set aside some time to read or listen and share your comments with Toni. I’m sure you’ll come away energized, amazed, and yes, INSPIRED!

How do you inspire people? What inspires you? I’d love for you to share your thoughts here on my blog…

In the past five months that I’ve spent interviewing women for my forthcoming book on navigating midlife, something rather interesting has come up. In almost equal numbers, midlife women are lining up for or against feeling “invisible” as a result of being 40 and older.

I wasn’t really expecting any one answer when I asked the question about whether or not they felt the media was ignoring them, but I guess I was assuming the responses would be less divided between two opposing camps of thought. 

After talking with more than 60 women from all across the country, about 50% expressed concern that they were becoming marginalized because of their advancing years. The other 50% had no such concerns, in fact, I had to define more clearly and concisely what I meant by “invisible” in order for them to answer the question. It just wasn’t on their radar.

It got me thinking about what could account for such a stark difference in perspective. Did it have anything to do with how each person felt they were noticed in their younger years? Would someone who was attractive and used to having attention paid to her because of her looks be someone who begins to feel the world is seeing past her as she ages?  Does it have anything to do with attractiveness, or is it something else entirely?

I do know that regardless of which camp these women landed in, neither side had any intention of actually being invisible. Whether or not they felt that the media has failed to keep pace with the midlife woman, they weren’t buying into the outdated belief that any woman past the age of 35 should be fitted for support hose and a rocking chair.

The women I’ve talked with are keenly aware of the various challenges that come with aging, and especially with aging as a woman in our culture. There are few, if any, role models to show them the way, so once again they are the trailblazers for the generations of women coming up behind them – just as they were in the previous decades. It’s a responsibility they don’t take lightly.

I’ve interviewed women who are changing their careers at midlife and beyond; who are going back to college to get their advanced degrees (one woman shared with me her decision to get her PhD so that she can work with teenagers- she’ll be 82 when she’s done with school); who are becoming artists, writers, vagabond travelers, social activists, and the list goes on and on.

What truly makes the difference between aging positively and aging that smacks of loss and decline is attitude. What women should be focusing on – and many, many already are – is acting their stage, not acting their chronological age, since improved health, wealth and resources have given most of them the opportunity to live another 25 years or more once they pass the 50 mile marker. That’s a tremendous stretch of time to spend sitting idly by, watching the world move on without them. Trust me, that is not a role I expect these boomer women to accept.

As a woman who sits squarely in the 50+ demographic, I have never felt more alive, more certain of who and what I am, and more passionate about what I want to share with the world. I do find it rather ironic that just as I feel like I’ve got it all together and am ready to explode out into the world, I’m sensing the cloak of invisibility nipping at my heels. But no worries – I can and will definitely outrun it, and I expect to have a lot of company along the way.

For those of you who are 40 and older, I’d really like to know where you fall in terms of feeling “invisible.” Do you feel the media and advertising does an effective job of marketing appropriately to the 40+ woman? If yes, tell me why you feel this way. If it’s no, please share your reasons and suggestions on what can be done better. Let’s dish, ladies!

According to Samantha Critchell of the Associated Press, 2010 is a “new day” for forty-something women. “Women are where it’s at in the world of entertainment — and we’re talking “women” not “girls” for the most part. Forty-something women, especially Sandra Bullock, had a banner year in 2009, and their influence is expected to continue,” writes Critchell.

She quotes Bonnie Fuller, editor-in-chief of HollywoodLife.com who believes:”There’s a shift in attitude. There’s a total chick blitz in general.” Fuller thinks Hollywood executives will take notice of the success of actresses such as Julianna Margulies, Jennifer Aniston, Kyra Sedgwick, Courteney Cox and their peers, developing movies and TV shows that give them roles that show evolving, desirable sexy characters who don’t hide from their age.

To which I say, almost in tandem: “Hell, yeah!” and “Are you kidding me?” I’m having one of those two-sided conversations with myself about what this endorsement really means. On the one hand, I applaud the greatly overdue recognition by Hollywood and the youth-obsessed media that there really is life out there for women over the age of forty. Not a life of slow and inevitable degeneration like the winding down of a clock, but a life brimming with possibilities. I applaud the acknowledgment, however late in coming, that beauty is not the province of the chronologically gifted (i.e. young), but is something that belongs to all women regardless of their age.

On the other hand I want to do something far less gracious with my hands than applauding (picture something other than the thumbs up sign, and the gesture that used to get my youngest child routinely grounded, if you get my drift). Hollywood giving those of us on the other side of forty the high-five feels rather like we’re being thrown a bone and should feel grateful, like we’re a fad, or the flavor of the month rather than the complex, multi-faceted, amazing creatures  we are – and always have been.

Having Hollywood and the media’s “blessing” isn’t sitting well with me. I want to say: “Who cares?” what men in suits in a town known for unabashed superficiality think about what constitutes bling. And while I am a firm believer that life after forty for women doesn’t mean life without sex – or sex appeal – I chafe at the thought of stereotyping midlife women as “desirable sexy characters who don’t hide from their age.” I’d be happier if the mindset was simply “who don’t hide from their age” and leave sex out of it altogether. Whenever Hollywood brings sex into the equation it’s an immediate red flag for me; a cynical, but time-tested truism that the multi-dimensional forty-something woman will suddenly become rather one-dimensional in the hands of film and media.

I do, however, heartily applaud Meryl Streep, Julianna Marguiles and other over forty actresses who are refusing to play by the rules. After all, who made the rules anyway? I applaud the women I’ve interviewed for my upcoming book on women navigating in and through midlife. I applaud my friends, peers, and family members of the female persuasion who are aging gracefully and fiercely. They aren’t hiding their age. They aren’t flashing a neon sign showcasing their age. Their age is irrelevant. They are too busy charting their path – and it’s often an entirely new path that they themselves have bushwhacked because of so few role models around to have broken trail for them.

Although I commend these mavericks for their trailblazing ways, it’s a myth and a disservice to paint forty-something women as having all the answers. I hope Hollywood errs on the side of caution in its evolving characterizations of women in midlife. Life is messy. Life is complicated. Midlife women continue to struggle with career, family, health and wealth issues. They are dealing with grown children leaving the nest; with young children still in the fold. They are reaching the pinnacle of their careers or their plateaus, and are thinking about what comes next. Some women are dealing with health issues: cancer, heart disease, menopause, unexpected death. Some are uncovering long dormant dreams and talents, others shedding self-limiting beliefs that have dogged them for decades. Divorced. Remarried. Unattached. Forty-something women are no strangers to the ups and downs of living.

Life doesn’t change on the other side of forty. What does change, perhaps, is the way we deal with this ebb and flow in the second half of life. There is something to be said for longevity; for experience; for showing up over and over again that enables us to shake off the trials and tribulations that rain down on us each day.  Midlife women don’t have all the answers – what we have is enough seniority to know we don’t need them in order to shine.

So I raise a toast to my sisters forty and older that you celebrate the year of the “chick blitz”, but do it on your terms. Keep on bushwhacking; keep on redefining and pushing the boundaries of what it means to be a woman in midlife, and I’ll be right there with you. Salute!  

**There is still time to register for my free one-hour teleclass: “Your Turning Point: The First Step Toward Your Extraordinary Life Waiting for You” that’s scheduled for January 12, 2010 at 12:00 p.m. ET/9:00 a.m. PT. The only thing you need to commit to is 60 minutes of your time, and I’d love to have you be a part of the conversation and the journey. If you’re a woman executive whose career is beginning to wear like a tight-fitting pair of heels, this call is for you! You can learn more by following this link: http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/yourturningpoint.

A recent survey of midlife women conducted by More magazine revealed some interesting (and not surprising) results. When asked to define the most important aspects of a great job, in addition to a good salary and benefits, midlife women told More they need:

• Meaning – to feel that they’re contributing positively     98%
• A job in a growing field with a bright future                          89%
• A high level of freedom or control                                            87%
• A job that’s appropriate for a woman over 40                     79%
• A chance to work a flexible schedule                                      73%

I know these elements are certainly essential to me. One of the main reasons I took the leap to become an entrepreneur in midlife was to fulfill many of these same outcomes, although my career path is a bit different than the norm, since most of it has been based on doing work that enabled me to feel I was contributing positively, and that generally took priority over salary and benefits. As I’ve gotten older I’ve decided that I need more of a merging between money and meaning, and have learned that it’s possible, even necessary, to have them both as front line goals.

When I say the results of the survey aren’t surprising, it’s because this is what I consistently here from my clients and other midlife women I talk with when it comes to what they want in a career at this stage of their lives. In our younger years it’s understandable that the focus might be more on the financial aspects of getting ahead. Climbing the corporate ladder or navigating any organization requires focus and tenacity in order to reach the pinnacle of success. There’s no shame in that. These are honorable goals. I think what happens, though, is as we age into our 40s and 50s our goals shift. They become more expansive. They become about more than just ourselves; they become more about how we relate to the world around us, and how we can take what we’ve learned, what we’ve built over the years, and create a lasting legacy. It’s that “search for significance” I tend to write so much about.

Many women reach a crossroads in their 40s and early 50s where career alone is not enough to sustain them. They’re professional life is starting to feel like a tight pair of shoes. It’s no longer fitting them and the life they want to lead. They are searching for something more. For some that means travelling a totally new path; for others it means finding a way to reconnect with their career in a way that is more meaningful and more heart-centered.  The reasons may vary, but the need is often the same: to merge money and meaning in a way that enables women to achieve a more sacred kind of success.

It can be a painful place to be, and there are often painful questions that need to be asked such as: When did I let my life become not my own? When did I lose touch with myself? How can I be so financially successful and feel so personally bankrupt? While it might feel like that old song “Is This All There Is?” I know – having been there – that it isn’t. There is so much more. There’s a life that has you bounding out of bed with enthusiasm; a life where you control what you do and how you do it; a life of balance, power, passion, and purpose. 

There’s an authentic you showing up for that life; a you who uses your one-of-a-kind voice, abilities, and talents; a you who hasn’t checked one single part of yourself at the door; a you who has explored your core and has tapped into your unlimited wealth. And there’s your own personal vision for your sacred success: the kind of success that makes a difference in the lives of others; the kind of success that merges money and meaning; the kind of success that creates purposeful work and a lasting legacy. 

One of my favorite quotes is by George Eliot who wrote: “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” Ladies, who do you want to be on this next journey? 

***Because this is such a driving force in the lives of so many midlife business women, I’ve put together a free one-hour teleclass:“Your Turning Point: The First Step Toward Your Extraordinary Life Waiting for You” that’s scheduled for January 12, 2010 at 12:00 p.m. ET/9:00 a.m. PT. The only thing you need to commit to is 60 minutes of your time, and I’d love to have you be a part of the conversation and the journey. If this feels like something you’d like to explore, you can learn more by following this link: http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/programs-and-services/1238.

While working on developing products and services for 2010, it occurred to me that I needed to ask a number of questions of the women I serve or hope to serve before I can create a telecourse, e-book, or any other product that is spot on. So I began to do just that, and have spent the past couple of months talking with women all across the corporate spectrum about their pain points, their challenges, their goals and passions. I wanted to get a better handle on what ignites a fire in the belly of a high-achieving, soul-driven midlife woman, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Everyone I talked with was wonderfully open, unreservedly frank, and touchingly vulnerable.  While these women may have taken any number of divergent paths as a result of choice or circumstance, there are a number of places where these various paths intersect, and when standing on that sacred ground, their voices sound particularly unified.

As a general rule, successful career women engage in an ongoing inventory of their lives, their values, and their priorities in order to make sure these areas are integrated and aligned, and to make the necessary adjustments when they are not, but midlife is a time when that level of evaluation and reflection becomes increasingly essential.

Many of the women I spoke with commented on this kind of self-reflection and on their desire to combine both money and meaning to live a life rich in significance.  For some women, that means reflecting on whether or not their current career can meet them where they now live in terms of their evolving values and desire to create an optimum life.

“Is this all there is? I ponder that question every day since I turned 52. One the one hand, I love what I do. On the other hand, I’ve had this nagging restlessness the past several years – this subtle itch that’s telling me there has to be something more.”

 “It’s not to say that what I’ve been doing these past 25 years didn’t have significance for me, but my needs have changed. The goals I had in my 20s and 30s are not the goals I have today. I’ve met those – achieved those – and what I value has evolved over the years. Now it’s time to align these values more closely with the kind of work I do. To do that means branching out in a totally new direction.”

 “I am a child of the 60s. We started out with a lot of idealism and a belief that we could make things better in the world. What I’m seeing now is a lot of younger people in their late twenties, early thirties, who are seeing that in themselves, too. There’s a spark there that I relate to and I feel it’s important to keep that spark ignited so I can continue to make a difference – something I’m not so sure I’m doing in my current career.”

 “If I am really honest with myself, I know I’m just not performing at my peak level any longer. To admit that is frightening to me, but at the same time it challenges me to step up my game or step off and into a new arena.”

 “I literally woke up one morning and realized I’d been doing this for 25 years. It’s not that I haven’t loved what I’ve done, but I just can’t imagine myself doing it for the next 25 years.”

Over the course of his research, psychologist Erik Erikson emphasized the importance of having a sense of authenticity and integrity in later midlife. He found that the growth of the personality in the 40s and 50s is built on a heightened concern with the meaning of life and the process of taking stock, resilience in the face of setbacks, and greater self-acceptance.

There is a deeper sense of the core self, with fewer illusions and a beginning appraisal of where career and life has taken a woman. This re-examination is as natural as it is inevitable, and it often begins by asking questions and seeking answers from her internal world as well as her external world.

The questions a woman may ask herself are some of the same questions I asked during my recent conversations with various career women. As a favor to me, but more importantly, as a favor to yourself, take a break; make yourself a piping hot cup of herbal tea; sit down somewhere quiet, somewhere private, and allow your mind to consider the following: 

• What are the top 3 goals you most want to achieve?
• What are the top 3 things you love about what you currently do?
• What are the top 3 things that aren’t working for you, or that you’re not actively addressing?
• As a high-achieving, soul-driven woman, what is it that ignites that fire in your belly?
• What is the 1 thing you feel is holding you back from living your most optimum life?

After you’ve spent some time thinking about these things, I’d love for you to share your answers here as part of this blog post. Let’s continue the conversation we’ve started and see where it leads us. We’re all on a journey of discovery, and all roads lead to a more sacred kind of success…

Someone asked me the other day why I refuse to refer to the transition that occurs for most women in midlife as a “crisis.” While it’s true that the word “crisis” means a crucial or decisive point or situation, or a turning point, it also has about it an air of instability and upheaval. There’s a negative connotation to the word, which perpetuates the stereotype of women being emotional and irrational. While both men and women experience the inevitability of midlife, it’s largely women who are branded with the super-charged “C” word.

I’m more comfortable with “midlife transition” or “midlife awakening” or any phrase that allows women to embrace in a more positive way what it means to age. Midlife transforms you from the person you were to the person you were meant to be. It’s a new birth, a new beginning, an opportunity to pursue dreams and goals that were neatly tucked away in the “someday” file we kept in the back of our minds while we raised our children or launched our careers, or both.  

It’s like an automatic “do-over” when you hit midlife (not that we’d necessarily want to redo our lives up to this point). It’s a take stock, take no prisoners exhumation of the soul, which if done with courage and exacting honesty, enables us to pull out that “someday” file and sift through the dreams, aspirations and goals that are ripe for implementation now.

I can think of so many women in my life who have rummaged through their own private “someday” file and are leading more authentic lives: a former colleague who turned down a promotion to have more time with her family; a friend who forfeited a steady income to launch a new business; another who started a family at 45; still another who went back to school to earn her PhD at 65.

It’s a heady time for midlife women. We can be grandmothers in our 40s or be first-time moms. We can be launching new businesses or reaching the pinnacle of our career trajectory. We have so many opportunities that our mothers never had, largely because of the struggle we engaged in to redefine women’s roles, and the way in which we kicked to the curb the rules about what women should and shouldn’t do.

When I think of my own experience with navigating the transition from my late 30s through my 40s, “crisis” is not the word that comes to mind (although I’m guessing that family and friends don’t necessarily agree with that statement).  The journey was a bit rocky, but largely because I wouldn’t get out of my own way and let go of all the outdated beliefs I had about myself. Once I turned off those old, worn out tapes I was able to access my “someday” file and create this new, increasingly more authentic chapter of my life.

After a lifetime of being all things to all people, I felt the call of something deeper and I connected with my purpose and deep intention for my life. Because we don’t live in a vacuum, I felt the external twists and turns, and shifts in perspective that come with any major life transition, but for the most part, the transition was an internal one. It was a long last look at the life I had led. It was a journey of gratitude and appreciation for where I had been, and it became an invitation to where I had yet to go. At the end of all the reflection, I made an offering to myself to open up to another way, another life that rings more true to the woman I am in this moment. My next transition involves a search for significance, an expedition to uncover the wealth of the self, a rite of passage to my highest purpose and to a life that is as unique as my fingerprint.

For women, the second half of life brings with it many career choices and questions. For some women, continuing in a current career doesn’t fulfill personal, spiritual or financial needs as it once did. For others, re-entering the workforce has become a necessity due to the changes in the economy. In either case, a ReCareer may be the answer. What is a ReCareer? According to Dr. Richard P. Johnson, nationally renowned expert on maturing adult development and founder of ReCareer, Inc. it is: “Personally authentic work that feeds your mind, your heart, and your spirit.”

Women at midlife who are “seekers” want something deeper out of life. They want more personal purpose, more meaning, and want their efforts to align more closely with their core beliefs. They seek a more authentic way of living. To these women seekers, who may be 45, 55, 65 or older, age holds no meaning. What does hold meaning for them comes from work and interactions that renew their life purpose, revitalize their passion, reignite their soul, and reinvigorate their inner desires.

One of my closest friends is a seeker. She was courageous enough to listen to that persistent voice inside her that said she needed to take a new career path. For the past several years she has commuted back and forth between the home she shares with her husband in Pennsylvania and her apartment in New York City where she runs her own executive coaching business. She was in her mid 50s when she made this change.

Largely because of seekers like my friend, there has been a fundamental shift in how we perceive getting older. Previous assumptions about life’s second half are becoming passé as a new set of beliefs are giving birth to what it means to live optimally. Aging is no longer viewed as a forced march down a path of decline and constriction, a path that narrows the older we get. The path we’re on now is one of expansion, with an accent on gaining new wisdom, and discovering a new authenticity and significance greater than anything previously experienced.

Certainly the goals of working over our lifespan have changed. Our former jobs provided a financial foundation. They paid the mortgage, put the kids through school, and got us through the daily expenses of living. All of this was necessary, but for many reasons women are now searching for something more; something that gives rise to that still small voice within longing for achievement of a different type – something that feeds their very being.

There are relatively few, if any, clear cut directions for women in midlife who are seeking that blending of career and life passion, so how do they begin this ReCareer journey? The first thing is to commit to a personal assessment, a personal excavation of sorts. A ReCareer represents much more than a set of skills and functions, it’s a woman’s personal response to her inner call; it’s her investment in the mission of her life. A ReCareer determines much of a woman’s total environment: physical, social, mental, psychological, and even spiritual arenas of living.

There are 5 essential competencies that women need to tackle before they can successfully launch themselves into a ReCareer. This journey of discovery will bring them personal fulfillment as well as meet their individual needs, and put them solidly on the path to ReCareer success:

ReCareer Identity: is defined as the degree to which women derive a personal sense of identity and definition from their work. How much of their personal identity, their unique definition of self, comes from their career? In addition, it’s important to look at attitudes, beliefs, and feelings women hold about themselves and determine if they are still true or if they are self-limiting. It’s also important to construct a personal definition of their potential ReCareer (new career), and to assess each of their formerly held positions in terms of skills and functions performed, and any personal feelings generated by these positions.

ReCareer Self-Assessment: helps women identify their ReCareer values, interests and skills. Do they know their inner values, motivated skills, and most cherished interests well enough to accurately translate what’s truly best for them in their ReCareer process?

Transition Hardiness: The definition of “hardiness” is the ability to be adaptable and flexible – two qualities that are critical to successfully engaging in Recareer life change. Women need to determine if they have developed the necessary inner qualities of hardiness: commitment, control, challenge, and connectedness which will enable them to better achieve their ReCareer goals. By looking at past career and personal life experiences women can assess these qualities and work on those areas that may need shoring up.

ReCareer Success Perception: looks at women’s personal and career worlds and how well they can perceive the events in their career and personal life as self-enhancing and self-affirming. That’s done by uncovering and analyzing the successes women have achieved in their personal and career life to date. Success perception is the foundation of a positive self-esteem. Without a positive self-esteem, women are denying their innate power – the energy that calls them to their ReCareer Success. It’s important for women to define what “success” means to them, and to ask themselves if they have successfully clarified their unique formula for ReCareer success.

Setting ReCareer Goals and Making ReCareer Decisions: The purpose of this focus is to help women establish ReCareer and life goals that can assist them in pursuing a clear ReCareer direction. To do this, it’s important to look at all of the life arenas: work, family, relationships, self, leisure, and spiritual to assess how well women exercise solid decision-making skills and what areas they need to address in order to formulate the most compelling ReCareer goals and bring these into reality.

I turned 50 this past December, and guess what? My life isn’t over. I didn’t slide down that slippery slope of aging I kept hearing about. If anything, the most amazing thing happened. I woke up. I have morphed into my authentic self  like a butterfly emerging from  its cocoon. I was as surprised as anyone to experience this awakening, since I believed much of the rhetoric that abounds about decline, depression, and despair being hallmarks of aging.  I felt that angst in my 30s, but throughout my 40s and marching into a new decade I began to feel a different mantra struggling to the surface. This mantra said “You are not who you were, only older.” It wasn’t until I turned the corner on 50, however, that I let that mantra break free with all the strength of a gale force wind.

I began to seek out other women in midlife to find out if I was the lone wolf experiencing aging as a rebirth. I didn’t know what to expect, but what I found in talking with women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is a collective commonality. I found that, like me, they are happy being where they are, and have no desire to go back to any of the earlier stages or decades of their lives.  Suzanne Braun Levine talks about this very thing in her book “Fifty is the New Fifty.”  She writes: “The assumption is that youth – or at least younger – is the ideal state and that given a chance, no woman in her right mind would relinquish it. I have found the opposite to be true. Many of us are delighting in rejecting that backward-looking mindset and focusing on (to paraphrase the song from The King and I) ‘the beautiful and new things I am learning about me day by day.’  The range of things to learn about ourselves is now as wide as it hasn’t been since we were adolescents. So much about our bodies, our thinking, our relationships, and our approach to the world is under review – by us for a change.”

When you look at the reality, midlife and beyond is longer than any other stage of life. My mother is 92 and still kicking, despite two broken hips that have relegated her to a wheelchair. If I share my mother’s longevity genes, I have another 42+ years of life to live – way longer than childhood, adolescence or early adulthood stages. That’s a tremendous amount of time to simply endure, to simply exist.  Newsflash: I have no intention of simply existing, and neither do my midlife soul sisters, most of whom, like me, can expect to live another 25-30 years or more.  Our mothers and grandmothers may have felt “the change of life” meant their lives stopped changing, but for today’s midlife and beyond women, that meaning is no longer a fate acompli thanks to the women’s movement and our willingness to rewrite the book on aging.

The real challenge to this stage of life, as I see it, is to get to know ourselves in this new context. Who is this person who declares, “I no longer care what others think of me,” and means it?  Who is questioning the meaning of her work, and the nature of her relationships to see if they support who she is now?  Who is waking up to the wealth of possibilities, and is willing to tackle a new and totally out-of-character experience just for the fun of it?  Who, despite understanding that life and death are not just words any longer, keeps moving forward? 

The struggle is to learn which parts of ourselves are true and authentic, and which parts are conditioned responses based on “faulty” messages we may have received when we were younger.  For me, these “faulty” messages said that what I had to offer was my physical appearance – not my intelligence, not my compassionate nature, not my curiosity, and quirky sense of humor – and even that offering wasn’t  “good enough.”  That baggage has dogged me year after year, but the more I challenge it, the more I realize that it has nothing to do with reality – it has nothing to do with who I really am or what I have to offer. I wasn’t capable of knowing that, of owning that in my 20s or 30s, and just began to grasp it in my 40s. That’s why I can say with complete candor and honesty that given a pill that would transform me back to age 25, I would not take it. Yeah, right, you say.  Skeptics abound, I’m sure. Who wouldn’t want to be younger given the chance, but for me, going back to who I was at 25 means living the life of a people-pleaser, a caretaker lacking enough self-worth to recognize my gifts and maintain boundaries. The truth is, there is no magic pill that will transform us back in time, and we don’t need one. What we need is to live the stage we’re in, and to be willing to keep growing. Nothing makes us older faster than standing still, than stagnating.

That knowledge has empowered me enough to become an entrepreneur at age 50, and I work with other professional women 50 and over to create a midlife and beyond that’s as unique as their fingerprint. All the roads I’ve traveled have led me to where I am today. The lines on my face are reminders of these roads (though hopefully a little less weathered).  I know that my path is not anyone else’s path, despite that collective commonality I mentioned earlier. Each of us cuts our own unique trail through life. I also know that who I am today is not who I will be in 10 years, in 20 years. I will not be the same person, only older, but will continue to embrace the evolutionary process that is a fundamental part of aging.  And although the path I cut is uniquely my own, I’m sure my midlife soul sisters will keep me company along the way.