Comments on: Midlife Transition – A “Do Over” For Women? http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/ Evelyn Kalinosky, LLC Sat, 07 Aug 2010 15:59:59 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Carol Hess http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-70 Carol Hess Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:41:44 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-70 Loved this, Evelyn. You expressed yourself so beautifully. I sent it on to a friend of mine who is just starting her transition to the person she was meant to be. I can't think of a better way to start that transition than with your wise words. Loved this, Evelyn. You expressed yourself so beautifully. I sent it on to a friend of mine who is just starting her transition to the person she was meant to be. I can’t think of a better way to start that transition than with your wise words.

]]> By: Evelyn http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-64 Evelyn Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:53:38 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-64 Pixie: I had to laugh when I read your statement about how it might feel like a crisis for those around us - so true! As a recovering people pleaser I know I left a number of people trembling and gasping for air the first few times I said "no" to something and put myself first. I had to remember that I had been going through the transition for some time internally before I began to verbalize my feelings and that I needed to allow others to have that same time to adjust. After all, I had changed - and change isn't easy to accept for many people. You're right that it changes our relationship agreements. We have to rewrite them, renegotiate them, and in some cases, we have to let them go because they no longer serve us. Kudos to your husband for "getting it." I hope there are more out there like him in the medical community, but even if there aren't we need to make our needs clear and refuse to accept the negative, outdated belief system around what it means to go through menopause and what it means to age. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, and I'm glad you found the article relevant and useful. Pixie:

I had to laugh when I read your statement about how it might feel like a crisis for those around us – so true! As a recovering people pleaser I know I left a number of people trembling and gasping for air the first few times I said “no” to something and put myself first. I had to remember that I had been going through the transition for some time internally before I began to verbalize my feelings and that I needed to allow others to have that same time to adjust. After all, I had changed – and change isn’t easy to accept for many people.

You’re right that it changes our relationship agreements. We have to rewrite them, renegotiate them, and in some cases, we have to let them go because they no longer serve us.

Kudos to your husband for “getting it.” I hope there are more out there like him in the medical community, but even if there aren’t we need to make our needs clear and refuse to accept the negative, outdated belief system around what it means to go through menopause and what it means to age. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, and I’m glad you found the article relevant and useful.

]]> By: Evelyn http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-63 Evelyn Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:48:06 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-63 Gloria: Congrats to you for finding the courage to move forward, even in the face of opposition you may find from others who don't necessarily want you to change. I found that to be true. For the most part, many of my friends and family adapted to my changes and my growth, but there were some who would not, could not, and as a result it became necessary to pull away from the relationships. There is an ebb and flow to life, and to relationships, and I'm sure what you are finding is that new people are coming in to your life who are responding to the person you're becoming. I'd love to know how your transition goes, so please feel free to post again or contact me directly. Gloria: Congrats to you for finding the courage to move forward, even in the face of opposition you may find from others who don’t necessarily want you to change. I found that to be true. For the most part, many of my friends and family adapted to my changes and my growth, but there were some who would not, could not, and as a result it became necessary to pull away from the relationships. There is an ebb and flow to life, and to relationships, and I’m sure what you are finding is that new people are coming in to your life who are responding to the person you’re becoming. I’d love to know how your transition goes, so please feel free to post again or contact me directly.

]]> By: Pixie Stevenson http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-62 Pixie Stevenson Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:46:19 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-62 You're absolutely right; midlife "crisis" is not an appropriate term. It may feel like a crisis for the other people in our lives whose needs we have always put before our own. It's really scary for those people if we start taking care of ourselves, reinventing ourselves, and focusing on our dreams. It changes our relationship agreements. Another change of focus is how the medical community and society as a whole can look at menopause. My husband is an OB/GYN who very firmly says, "Menopause is not a disease!" Good article. You’re absolutely right; midlife “crisis” is not an appropriate term. It may feel like a crisis for the other people in our lives whose needs we have always put before our own. It’s really scary for those people if we start taking care of ourselves, reinventing ourselves, and focusing on our dreams. It changes our relationship agreements.

Another change of focus is how the medical community and society as a whole can look at menopause. My husband is an OB/GYN who very firmly says, “Menopause is not a disease!”

Good article.

]]> By: Gloria http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-61 Gloria Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:44:48 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-61 Greetings- I enjoyed your article. I too am transitioning and in the process letting those around me who are not used to my changes know that I am emerging as someone who is more fulfilled and positive. Thanks for sharing! Greetings-
I enjoyed your article. I too am transitioning and in the process letting those around me who are not used to my changes know that I am emerging as someone who is more fulfilled and positive. Thanks for sharing!

]]> By: Ann Daly http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-60 Ann Daly Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:16:07 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-60 Ah, yes! I'm releasing a new audiobook in February entitled "Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives." For a sneak preview: http://www.anndaly.com/do-over.html Ah, yes! I’m releasing a new audiobook in February entitled “Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives.” For a sneak preview: http://www.anndaly.com/do-over.html

]]> By: Evelyn http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-59 Evelyn Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:25:50 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-59 Tonya, You've got it! Absolutely! I like your reference to shedding the skin as a way of letting go of the old to make way for the new. Both have their place and their significance in our lives, but we have to let go in order to grab hold of something else. Enjoy your journey to the wealth of the self! Tonya,
You’ve got it! Absolutely! I like your reference to shedding the skin as a way of letting go of the old to make way for the new. Both have their place and their significance in our lives, but we have to let go in order to grab hold of something else. Enjoy your journey to the wealth of the self!

]]> By: Tonya http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-58 Tonya Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:16:50 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-58 I certainly identify with both you ladies. I wonder if this feeling doesn't come in part from having done as much in my old skin as possible, and the only option for experiencing new things is to shed that skin and go au naturale for a while. Maturity teaches us we have so much more to contribute than the path we made for ourselves while in our 20's. I certainly identify with both you ladies. I wonder if this feeling doesn’t come in part from having done as much in my old skin as possible, and the only option for experiencing new things is to shed that skin and go au naturale for a while. Maturity teaches us we have so much more to contribute than the path we made for ourselves while in our 20’s.

]]> By: Evelyn http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-57 Evelyn Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:28:03 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-57 Well said, Jeri! In order for better to come, good must go. I'm paraphrasing a quote I remember reading, and it certainly applies to our third age. For many like yourself, that drive is so strong, so overwhelming, it causes you to rethink everything in order to get from where you were to where you need to go. I know your search for significance will lead you far. Evelyn Well said, Jeri! In order for better to come, good must go. I’m paraphrasing a quote I remember reading, and it certainly applies to our third age. For many like yourself, that drive is so strong, so overwhelming, it causes you to rethink everything in order to get from where you were to where you need to go. I know your search for significance will lead you far.

Evelyn

]]> By: Jeri http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/blog/midlife-transition-%e2%80%93-a-%e2%80%9cdo-over%e2%80%9d-for-women/comment-page-1/#comment-56 Jeri Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:17:54 +0000 http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/?p=1057#comment-56 Evelyn, I've enjoyed and identified with your thoughts on re-careering and midlife transitions. Leaving the comfort of the safe is sometimes present, the call for something more adventurous and fulfilling is sometimes present. But for me the call to achieve another level of significance for the world as well as my expectations of myself was the overwhelming part of the evolution. And it is an evolution to recreate your life in new directions with new challenges. It's exhilarating and at the same time scary. If you really want to be good, (I mean really good) at your new direction, you have to reach deep inside and bring out lots of creativity, the self-confidence of maturity, trust that everything you've achieved so far will be a catalyst for the future, and the absolute belief that the world needs what you're about to offer. Truly, the journey forward begins inward. Evelyn,
I’ve enjoyed and identified with your thoughts on re-careering and midlife transitions. Leaving the comfort of the safe is sometimes present, the call for something more adventurous and fulfilling is sometimes present. But for me the call to achieve another level of significance for the world as well as my expectations of myself was the overwhelming part of the evolution. And it is an evolution to recreate your life in new directions with new challenges. It’s exhilarating and at the same time scary. If you really want to be good, (I mean really good) at your new direction, you have to reach deep inside and bring out lots of creativity, the self-confidence of maturity, trust that everything you’ve achieved so far will be a catalyst for the future, and the absolute belief that the world needs what you’re about to offer. Truly, the journey forward begins inward.

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