For the next 7 days I’ll be sharing one story a day about a woman who reached her turning point. I don’t believe there is a single “way” to transformation. There is only our own unique way, and only we can do the work necessary to achieve our own sacred success…

We all have them: Those defining moments when the forces of head and heart come together with crystal clarity and we know that what we’ve been doing, or haven’t been doing, is no longer enough. For some of us it’s like standing at the edge of a precipice looking out at the vast open space beyond; for others it’s like standing at a fork in the road, looking left then right, but not moving because we can’t decide which road to take. Still others of us feel that nagging vibration in the pit of our soul that refuses to be silenced.

These moments are defining ones because it’s then that we realize we must make a decision: to jump; to turn in one direction or the other; to listen to the voice reverberating from some still small place within us. It’s then that we reach our turning point. That moment when we acknowledge the need to do something differently; to let go of something that’s holding us back and away; to step into the extraordinary life we glimpse on the other side.

Michele’s Story

From as far back as I can remember I wanted to be a performer. When I turned 18 I went to New York City to study dance and theater. I was blessed to have received a dance scholarship and my goal was to pursue acting full time when I graduated, but after a few years of barely scraping by a voice in my head told me: “You’ve got to stop thinking like a child and get a real job.”

Truthfully, a lot of this internal voice came from my parents, who even though supportive of my talents and abilities, always wanted me to be realistic about my career. They liked to remind me of the dismal percentage of actors who ever became stars.  How was I going to support myself?

So I listened. I began pursuing the corporate route in publishing, but I just couldn’t give up acting completely. I did off-Broadway plays for little to no money, doing shows and rehearsing in the evenings after working full time during the day. I’d do a couple of productions a year, and because I also loved to write, I wrote monologues and short stories, too.

As the years went by, more and more time was taken away from the creative work I loved in place of my corporate responsibilities. I wasn’t unhappy at work. I got involved in the different projects they’d assign me to and my co-workers were nice. It was all okay, and yet I’d find that by mid afternoon I’d be exhausted and want to go to bed, but I’d push through it until the evening when I’d get to rehearsal and I’d be full of energy again.

My corporate life was very structured and my work wasn’t that challenging. It was stable, though, and the pay was really good so I’d tell myself to be grateful I didn’t have to worry about money. Maybe if I’d been more miserable I would have done something sooner instead of remaining stuck in an unfulfilling life. I had the routine Sunday evening dread, the feeling like my life wasn’t really my own, and yet I didn’t take any action to make a real change. I just kept rationalizing; telling myself I was being selfish and childish to keep thinking about performing as a career. I had responsibilities to my husband, who seemed quite content with the way things were.

Then, at the age of 35 I got an out-of-the-blue call from a man I’d worked with many years earlier who was producing a play in California and he wanted me to choreograph it for him. When I first received the call I told myself: “This is crazy. You can’t do this. You can’t quit your job, leave your husband and go out to California for 4 months.” At the same time, I heard this little voice inside me telling me I needed to pay attention to this opportunity. This time, the inner voice won out.

I had the most amazing time in L.A. Being back in that environment full time made me come alive. I was working harder and working longer hours than ever before, but I didn’t care because I felt so engaged; so happy to be part of it all. I didn’t want it to end. But it did. I remember sitting in the airport waiting for my flight back to New York and thinking: “Now I have to go back to my real life,” and there was no joy in that thought.

Back in New York I was miserable. Where before I had managed to trudge along, not really happy or sad, after getting a taste of the life I truly wanted it was impossible for me to reconcile the joy I felt in L.A. with what I now felt. I was torn between my need to be responsible and my desire to live life on my own terms. So, I vacillated. I bounced back and forth between being pragmatic and being a dreamer, never quite able to let go of the memories of those four months in California.

When I finally drummed up the courage to talk to my husband, I was sure he’d be anything but supportive. I was wrong. He’d seen the woman who came home from L.A. all fired up and alive and he liked her. He’d watched as that fire slowly banked until there were only a few remaining embers. More important to him than the security of two steady incomes was having a wife who wasn’t disconnected from him, from their life together, from everything.

I took it one step at a time, going from full time to part time, to working as an independent consultant. I used the extra free time to pursue my new life. I joined a theater company, and I’m writing all the time, doing plays and assisting with choreography. The work is far less fragmented than I thought it would be, and now that I place a firm value on what I have to offer, I’m being paid better, too.

I had been so depressed in the past, and yet I wasn’t able to take that first step toward the life I knew I wanted. I had to learn to trust myself, and to trust the little voice inside of me. I had to learn to close the gap between responsibility and passion, and discovered that it doesn’t have to be either/or. I can choose the life I’m meant to live and still be responsible. I can show up every day; give it 100% of my effort and be paid for my talents and abilities. I learned I want more than to just make a living. I want to make a life.

 

I’d love to know what those of you reading this blog post feel about you own turning point. Have you reached it? What was it like for you? Are you beginning to feel that rumble, that nagging restlessness that’s telling you a change is coming? Please share your thoughts and comments here as we explore then next 7 days of turning points.

___________________________________________________________________

Are you a woman executive whose career is beginning to wear like a tight-fitting pair of heels? If so, this call is for you! There is still time to register for my free one-hour teleclass: “Your Turning Point: The First Step Toward Your Extraordinary Life Waiting for You” scheduled for January 12, 2010 at 12:00 p.m. ET/9:00 a.m. PT. The only thing you need to commit to is 60 minutes of your time, and I’d love to have you be a part of the conversation and the journey.  You can learn more by following this link: http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/yourturningpoint.

 

 

 

 

Tagged as: authenticity, career, Career Change, identity, Life, Professional Women, Reflection, Transitions, Turning Point, Women, Women Executives, Work