For the next 7 days I’ll be sharing one story a day about a woman who reached her turning point. I don’t believe there is a single “way” to transformation. There is only our own unique way, and only we can do the work necessary to achieve our own sacred success… 

We all have them: Those defining moments when the forces of head and heart come together with crystal clarity and we know that what we’ve been doing, or haven’t been doing, is no longer enough. For some of us it’s like standing at the edge of a precipice looking out at the vast open space beyond; for others it’s like standing at a fork in the road, looking left then right, but not moving because we can’t decide which road to take. Still others of us feel that nagging vibration in the pit of our soul that refuses to be silenced.

These moments are defining ones because it’s then that we realize we must make a decision: to jump; to turn in one direction or the other; to listen to the voice reverberating from some still small place within us. It’s then that we reach our turning point. That moment when we acknowledge the need to do something differently; to let go of something that’s holding us back and away; to step into the extraordinary life we glimpse on the other side. 

Simone’s Story

I’ve always been a very driven person. Being the youngest of 5 children and the only girl was fodder for intense competition. Yet I didn’t feel different because I was a girl. I wanted to fit in with them, and I learned early on that crying or complaining didn’t get me anywhere, so I had to play by their rules.

When I left law school and embarked on my career, I landed an associate position in a San Francisco law firm with nearly 500 attorneys. My childhood prepared me for working in a male-dominated, conservative culture so I made the transition quite seamlessly. I worked extremely hard, achieved well and was respected.

I knew how to navigate in male cultures quite well, and was a keen observer of the different workplace dynamics of male versus female behavior. I recognized the nonverbal clues – dress, mannerisms, demeanor – and was willing to subordinate my “feminine side” in order to be successful. It didn’t feel wrong to me since it was something I’d been used to since childhood. I viewed it more as “playing the game,” and since my competitive spirit wanted to win, I did what I had to do to get ahead.

After 16 years this cultural mentality began to chaff. As I moved from my 30s into my 40s I began to resent having to check my femininity at the door in order to be seen by my colleagues and higher-ups as effective. I began to balk at having to downplay certain aspects of my personality because it didn’t mesh with the mores of the firm. I began to realize that there might be another way – a way that was less about competition and more about collaboration.

These feelings were fueled by the fact that, despite being a high achiever, I wasn’t receiving the respect or appreciation that I deserved for what I was bringing to the table. Younger colleagues – lawyers with stronger credentials such as “Harvard” or “Yale” and greater financial achievements – were climbing ahead of me. Suddenly after all these years I wasn’t at the head of the pack any longer, and I didn’t want to do what was required to get there. And the more emphasis my firm placed on these credentials and achievements, the more dissatisfied I became.

I no longer felt like I fit in. I wasn’t “winning” at the game, and I wasn’t sure I really wanted to anymore. I came to the realization that none of it was working any longer – not the environment; not the measurements for success and promotion; not the perfunctory leadership. That, coupled with the fact that my two daughters were growing up and I felt a real longing to be there for them in a more substantial way than I had before led me to make some necessary changes.

Where ten years ago I would have felt like a failure for giving up, I now know that “winning at all costs” is not winning at all. I never stopped loving the law, or what I did for a living. What I stopped loving was the way I did it.  Today I am a partner in a 5-person law firm (3 of whom are women) and I am seeing my career through a new lens more focused on integration, respect, consensus, inclusion and appreciation. My competitive spirit is still there, but now it’s augmented by other aspects of my personality that temper its excessive, ego-driven qualities.

I’d love to know what those of you reading this blog post feel about you own turning point. Have you reached it? What was it like for you? Are you beginning to feel that rumble, that nagging restlessness that’s telling you a change is coming? Please share your thoughts and comments here as we explore then next 7 days of turning points.

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Are you a woman executive whose career is beginning to wear like a tight-fitting pair of heels? If so, this call is for you! There is still time to register for my free one-hour teleclass: “Your Turning Point: The First Step Toward Your Extraordinary Life Waiting for You” scheduled for January 12, 2010 at 12:00 p.m. ET/9:00 a.m. PT. The only thing you need to commit to is 60 minutes of your time, and I’d love to have you be a part of the conversation and the journey.  You can learn more by following this link: http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/yourturningpoint.

 

 

Tagged as: authenticity, Business, Career, Career Change, Identity, Life, Midlife, Professional Women, Transitions, Turning Point, Women Executives, Women Executives, Work